The Love and Death of the Past
by Neko-Sama2
Summary: Meryl finally admits to Vash that she has feelings for him, and just as their relationship finally progresses into something more, someone comes and shatters their world, tearing them apart. Will Vash and Meryl ever be reunited?
1. Prologue The Hate of Love

Author's Note: The idea to write this story came to me while I was learning about genetics and probability in my biology class, so I hope you enjoy it. It took me 2 weeks to come up with my plot, because I kept writing and rewriting it to make sure that it would be good enough, and I actually ran this by a friend of mine who is a complete anime freak, and she liked it, so I hope that you are able to like it as well.  
  
Just a warning there is mention of drugs, sex, and gory deaths, in this story, so if that doesn't float your boat then don't read, and please don't flame me, because I gave you a fair warning. There might be a bit of OOCness, because I am new to Trigun, so if you are able to, then please forgive me. Well I hope that you are able to enjoy the story, and please review. Now you don't necessarily have to read the prologue to understand the story, but it will help make a little bit more sense. Anyhoozles enough of my mindless jibber jabber. Read, enjoy, and review!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun.  
  
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The Love and Death of The Past  
  
~*Prologue*~  
  
She stared down at his mangled, bloody body. She didn't really know how to react to this development. She had loved him yes, but he wouldn't have her. He would have rather stayed with that blasted woman and his daughter. Was killing him really the way to ease all of her pain and suffering?  
  
Of course it was. He belonged to her, and if she couldn't have him, then nobody could. Everything that she had strived for, everything that she lost blood over, was now dead, and she was in control. This is what she wanted after all. But she didn't know that it would feel this way. Was she allowed to regret what she did?  
  
Her pale green eyes shifted for a moment, before dropping to the assault rifle that she clutched so tightly to her body, into the thick pool of blood forming at her feet.  
  
This was long overdue, and there was no other way to solve the situation. Seven whole years of being his mistress, and all he ever saw her as was his fuck buddy, and second in command. Sure he cared for his wife and daughter, but the business always came first. Business, family, and then her.  
  
She clenched her fist tightly, squeezing her eyes shut, not wanting to deal with the anger and hate radiating off of her body. She stepped over his dead body, while opening her pale green eyes and walked over to a crimson colored wall. A family portrait hung on the wall. Her eyes narrowed as she looked at the picture of a woman, a child, and a man.  
  
The child had a boyish haircut, and her smoky gray eyes were filled with life and enthusiasm. Only a child as innocent as this one could have eyes that shined so bright, especially with a father who paid little attention to her, could be that happy. She frowned at the picture, before driving her fist into it, flinching as shards of glass cut into her skin. She smiled contently as the glass ripped through her flesh, and hot sticky blood dripped from the ends of the shards.  
  
Footsteps echoed off of the walls behind her and she slowly turned around, in time to see two men pointing their machine guns at her. She threw her long dark hair over her shoulders, and with a burning passion in her eyes, she motioned to the dead body, that lay covered in blood, and they both watched as smoke steadily rose from the many bullets holes that were indented in his body.  
  
"It is done." She replied coldly as she stepped over to the desk and hoisted herself on it. She began pulling out the little shards of glass out of her bloodied hand after smoothing out her black skirt suit.  
  
"Ms. Atsui, what is it that we should do next?" One of the henchmen asked. She looked up, her pale emerald eyes giving a penetrating stare as she thought hard. Her gaze drifted over to the picture on the wall that she had broken, and after a long agonizing moment of silence she smiled malevolently, and smoothed out her skirt once more.  
  
"The child and his wife." She stated bluntly, her cold voice sending shivers down their spines.  
  
"What about them ma'am?" The second guard asked dubiously. Another wicked smile graced her lips as she dropped the last bloody piece of glass onto the ground. She slid off of the desk and stepped on the tiny pieces of glass with her black pumps, and smiled when she heard them shatter under her weight. The guards recoiled slightly, recognizing that insanely wicked grin that she wore on her face.  
  
It had only graced her features once before, and that was when she had first thought up the plan to take over the company and ordered his death. They both knew that she had only wanted to see red, and that would be the only way to satisfy her blood thirst.  
  
"Kill them."  
  
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Well there is the prologue. I actually rewrote this 3 times, before it got to where I actually liked it. Well anyways I hope that you enjoyed it so far, and as it may seem a little confusing now, as prologues usually are, it will start to make more sense along the way. I probably already gave away who she wanted dead, but who cares, I hope that you enjoyed it, and please review!!!!  
  
~*Neko-Sama*~ 


	2. Chapter 1 Birthday Bash

Author's Note: This is a repost of the chapter, since of course I had some errors in it that conflicted with the anime. I would like to thank Hellion for helping me out there. I changed the planets name to Gunsmoke like its supposed to be, but I will leave in the fact that they are able to contact earth, anyhoozles, I would like to thank Alucard, Hellion, and Lisa for reviewing.  
  
All right, here is chapter 1. Just so you know ahead of time, I haven't read the manga, but I have seen some of the anime. I have only seen up the episode where Rem, Vash, and Knives are all migrating to another planet with those other people, and Knives gets all insane and kills a lot of the people on board. So I doubt that it's really far into the anime, but I am going off of what I see on cartoon network. And I haven't really seen all of those either. Knives is just a little crazy if you ask me, but oh well he is still cool!!!!! I hope that you all enjoyed the prologue, even though it wasn't that long, but well yeah. I rewrote this chapter twice, and the fact of the matter is that I will probably change a lot of things while I am typing it up. Oh yes, the characters might be a little off if not a lot, I apologize for that ahead of time. Well I hope that you enjoy it, and please review!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Trigun, and I never will.  
  
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~*The Love and Death of The Past*~ ~Chapter 1~  
  
Meryl sighed heavily as she walked down the deserted street to get to her apartment. She just got off of work, and her muscles were tired and her stomach was growling. She smiled meekly, wondering what marvelous meal Millie was going to be fixing this time.  
  
Millie and Meryl were best friends, and they had both moved in with each other after the "humanoid typhoon" case. Millie had decided that it was important for someone to stay with Meryl, especially since she had been so emotionally distraught after the humanoid typhoon had left to live a life of his own.  
  
Ever since he did leave however, Meryl had done nothing except bury herself in her work, and Millie knew that it wasn't healthy. Meryl sighed in exasperation, before gazing up at the crimson colored sky. The stars were slowly fading into existence, and the moon was just barely beginning to peek out from its shield of clouds.  
  
Meryl swung her briefcase back and forth, thinking long and hard about the assignment that she had been buried under for the past week.  
  
One of the companies clients house had been caught in a sandstorm, and during the sandstorm, a group of bandits had broken into their house, and stolen many family heirlooms. Luckily, the family had managed to shoot 3 bandits, rendering them immobile, before calling the police on them, and having the courted off to jail.  
  
However the family's most treasured possessions were still missing. Meryl had been chosen to do follow up work on the case, making sure that there was over all no property damage, and make sure that all the items were replaceable before fully reimbursing her clients. They made a move to sue the bandits, but knowing that bandits never carry more that 20 double dollars on them, it would have been extremely hard to sue them for breaking and entering a private residence.  
  
The other factor that had her completely bombarded was the fact that she had to do research on the items, since they were all very rare. One of the items that were stolen, luckily happened to be a Venus fly trap, from earth, and everyone knew that in this day and age it was impossible to travel from Gunsmoke to Earth, even though they were so technologically advanced, they still led the lives of people in the olden days, as if they didn't want to advance into modern day civilization, like those who were on Earth.  
  
Meryl turned a corner and wrinkled her nose as the scent of cigarette smoke drifted towards her, from the pub that she walked passed. Meryl couldn't understand how people could fill their lungs with that disgusting crap, but then again, she didn't really understand people. As soon as she passed the eerily silent pub she turned another corner and arrived at her apartment building.  
  
She smiled in self satisfaction, she loved living only 3 blocks away from her job, it allowed her to go to work almost as late as she wanted, and come home as late as she wanted and still be able to get enough sleep. She sighed as she rummaged through her briefcase to look for her keys as she absently walked up the stairs to her apartment building.  
  
She had grown accustomed to coming home, and taking the long treacherous walk up the stairs, even though she wasn't paying attention to where she was going. It had just become part of her daily routine, and as always, that routine seemed so boring sometimes. She sighed as she thought about the adventure that she missed very much when she had the liberty of traveling with Vash the stampede. The thought of him broke her heart in two as she stopped halfway up the stairs.  
  
Cold metal connected with her hands as she lifted her keys out of her briefcase and stare absentmindedly into nothing. She hated it whenever she thought about him, but she had been so emotionally hurt after he decided that it was best to go their separate ways. Meryl closed her eyes and let out a long enduring sigh. She couldn't let Millie see her like this, otherwise Millie would get angry and have a temper tantrum.  
  
It was so like Millie to want to make sure that she was over Vash. Millie hated to see it when Meryl was hurt, and would go through extremes just to make sure that Meryl was smiling every single day since that incident. Millie was quite amazing. She was always making sure that Meryl was healthy and alive. Meryl had to face the facts, if it wasn't for Millie, Meryl probably would have killed herself, by staying depressed. Meryl had actually been somewhat suicidal during the duration of depression that she had gone through. Millie was wonderful to have put up with all of Meryl's depressive suicidal crap for so long, and in actuality Meryl knew that Millie should have left by now. Millie knew though, she knew that Meryl wouldn't have been able to take it.  
  
She had just become so dependent on Millie, and if it wasn't for work, she probably would have stayed home all day like a regular bum off the streets would sit in an alleyway, and just die eventually. Meryl smiled to herself, happy that Millie was with her, and continued her walk to her apartment. After having a major fight with her front door, she managed to unlock it, and she entered, setting her briefcase down and smiling warmly as the smell of spaghetti reached her nose.  
  
Meryl, confused, quirked an eyebrow in wonder. Millie hated spaghetti, so why in the hell was she cooking it? Spaghetti however was one of Meryl's favorites, so maybe she had just decided to make it to make it so that she wouldn't have to cook again tomorrow.  
  
"Millie I'm home!" Meryl said as she slipped off her shoes and put on her slippers.  
  
"Meryl! Welcome home!" Millie yelped as she came out of the kitchen and smiled at her friend affectionately, as she wiped her saucy hands on her apron. Meryl smiled in content, Millie always managed to make a mess of things whenever she cooked. Meryl chuckled as she saw some spaghetti sauce on Millie's face and walked over to her, and swiped it off with her index finger.  
  
"You really need to be a bit neater Millie." Meryl said. Millie engulfed Meryl in a teasing hug before pulling back to look at her friend. Meryl raised an eyebrow at this sudden change of mood, as a somber look settled into Millie's eyes.  
  
"Are you happy Meryl?" Millie asked. Meryl was completely taken back from what Millie had just asked. Why on earth would Millie ask if she was happy? She did of course smile at her right when she walked in the house, wouldn't that let her know that she was happy and grateful to be in her company? Meryl shook all the answers out of her head and sighed in exasperation. Of course she was happy, there was no reason to be sad, except for the occasional times when Vash popped into her mind.  
  
"Well if you aren't happy, I have something for you that will make you jump for joy!" Millie said as she pulled a blindfold from the pocket of her apron. Meryl stepped back for a second, wondering why Millie thought a blindfold would make her happy. Millie smiled crazily, noticing that Meryl was as confused as ever.  
  
"No silly, the blindfold isn't for you, its to cover your eyes with." Millie laughed wholeheartedly at Meryl moment of ignorance. Meryl blushed furiously and nodded, as she took the blind fold and quickly tied it over her eyes. Millie made sure that she wasn't able to see anything, and once she was happy with Meryl's lack of vision she led her into the kitchen.  
  
Meryl's nose twitched. The smell of spaghetti reached her nostrils, and she finally realized how hungry she really was. Her stomach growled with enthusiasm at the thought of food, and Meryl heard Millie laugh. Once Meryl was put in place Millie took the blindfold off from around her eyes. Meryl's eyes slowly opened, as she stared at the vision in front of her.  
  
Meryl's eyes immediately began to swell with tears as she flung herself into someone's arms. She nuzzled the persons soft bosom and then looked up, tears of joy streaming happily down her face.  
  
"Oh, Mama, I've missed you so much." Meryl said as she leaned her head up against the older woman's chest and felt the slow rhythmic movement of her chest rising and falling. Meryl's mother smiled down at her and ran her fingers through her daughters dark short hair before pulling away from her.  
  
"Aw, Come on Meryl, you couldn't have forgotten about us to." A low deep, yet playful voice said from next to her. Meryl smiled with relief and hugged the boy and then the girl that sat down at the table patiently waiting to get her attention.  
  
"Hello Eric, Hello Kirei." Meryl said as she hugged the boy and the girl that sat down at her table. The boy brushed his brown bangs from his face and smiled wickedly at Meryl. She knew that smile. He glanced over to Millie for a moment, before his grin grew even bigger and Meryl couldn't help but laugh. Kirei, the girl sat down quietly, her short dark hair hanging loosely over her shoulders. Her pale blue eyes looked over Meryl, and it was apparent that she admired the older woman.  
  
"So how old are you now? 56, 57?" Eric asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Meryl raised an eyebrow in confusion. Kirei lifted a hand to her mouth and tried her best to hide the laughter that was about to escape her throat.  
  
"Come on Meryl, you cant tell me that you forgot your own damn birthday." Eric replied with his normal arrogant voice. Meryl gasped and her eyes widened before she turned to Millie who nodded and smiled affectionately. Leave it to Meryl to forget that today was her birthday.  
  
"26 today." Meryl said through gritted teeth. (I don't know their real ages, but I am making Meryl 26, so yeah.) Her face turned cherry red, as she understood why Millie had decided to make spaghetti. She also knew why her family was here, because it was her birthday.  
  
"Damn, You are getting as old as Kendra." Eric said motioning to Meryl's mother. Kendra scoffed and sat down, acting as though she were offended. Eric whom was 22 was Meryl's younger brother, and Kirei, whom was only becoming 19 was Meryl's younger sister. Millie looked at Eric and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I don't get it, how come you call her Kendra? Isn't she your mother?" Millie asked as she and Meryl took a seat at the table. Eric shook his head and then looked from Kirei to Meryl, as if asking for permission to say what he wanted to say. The women nodded in approval and Eric continued to talk.  
  
"We are a foster family. Kendra raised us as a single mother, and boy it sure seemed like hard work." Millie looked at Meryl in surprise. No wonder none of them looked alike. Kendra was a blonde, and somehow she managed to stay blonde despite the fact that she was in her late 40's. She had beautiful brown eyes and was about 5'7". Eric seemed to be American, but since of course they were on another planet, Millie could only guess that that was only his ethnic background. He had brown wispy hair, and mischievous green eyes. He had a very deep, yet sarcastic voice, and nice broad shoulders, his body looked like it was well toned, and when they had first arrived, he was like a giant compared to Millie.  
  
Kirei was Japanese. And her name just about told everyone what was true. She was absolutely beautiful. She had short black glossy hair that looked like silk whenever it blew in the wind. Her eyes were glossy, and blue, and she seemed to be about the same height as Meryl, even though she was younger. She seemed as though she was quite shy. When Millie first met her, it seemed as though her voice was like the sweet chime of bell ringing off in the distant. Millie looked back to Meryl after making an analysis of the group and smiled. She wondered why Meryl had never told her that she was part of a foster family before, and even more so, it made her wonder why she was even put into a foster family? Was she an unruly child or something?  
  
"How did you get to be in the family?" Millie asked Eric, not wanting to know what other pain Meryl could have possibly went through to end up being in a foster family. It must have been extremely hard for Meryl. That was probably why she had been so suicidal after Vash had left, she had already had enough pain and torment in her life, and Vash leaving was just too much for her.  
  
"My mother was a drug addict. She would smoke weed, snort cocaine, and shoot heroine. She was a junkie beyond all sorts. I was stuck in the hospital for about 3 months after I was born until I was allowed to actually go home with her. When I had turned 7, I had walked out into the living room to ask my mom if she could read me a bedtime story, because that was what she would usually do, despite the fact that she was so doped up most of the time. "  
  
"Well when I walked out into the living room, she was being fucked by one of her drug buddies, and it turned out that he was actually raping her, the heroine must have gotten to him or something. So I called the police, not knowing what was going on. Well the police saw the drugs, and immediately saw it fit to have me removed from the house. Child endangerment they said. So that was pretty much how I ended up living there. Meryl of course, was already there when I had arrived. Sweet of her really, to keep me company when I needed it most." Eric stopped and saw Millie's somewhat shocked expression. Kendra looked at Eric and placed a hand on his thigh, giving it a reassuring squeeze. After a moment of silence Millie turned to Kirei, who cleared her throat and decided that it was her turn to tell her side of the story.  
  
"Typical story on my part. My mother was a prostitute. My father was a businessman who paid my mother to fuck him. Then she got pregnant with me. My mother decided that since she was going to have me, she might as well get money from my father for reckless abandonment. Well once the courts found out that my mother was a prostitute they had me taken away from her, and my father gained full custody of me. Everything was perfect for a while, but then, I would come home from school, and my father would be drunk, and then he would find some stupid reason to beat me and r-" Kirei stopped for a moment, tears coming to her eyes. Meryl scooted her chair closer to her foster sister and snaked an arm around her shoulders. Kirei smiled as she leaned her head on Meryl's shoulder, placing an arm around her ribcage. Meryl stroked Kirei's hair gently, before planting a reassuring kiss on the top of her sister's head.  
  
"My father would beat and rape me." Kirei said, trying her best not to choke on her words. Millie gasped in astonishment. She had never been so disgusted in her life. How could someone's father just rape them? She knew that Kirei had to be a young when it was happening, seeing at to where the young girl was only 19 years old. Meryl kissed her sisters head before looking up at Millie her eyes begging her to tell Kirei to stop. Millie however didn't understand what Meryl was trying to do, and Kirei kept going.  
  
"I told one of my teachers one day during school, and then they made sure that I was relocated. I was only 9 when that was happening to me. I am just glad that my father didn't make me hide the bruises that I received that day. But I had to go through so many tests, you know to see if he had impregnated me, since of course, children are starting their periods quicker than they used to. Found out that I had 3 broken ribs, but Meryl, Eric and my new mother nursed me back to health." Kirei smiled at her family. Millie smiled at the bond that was kept so neatly intertwined between the whole family, despite the fact that they had been through so many hardships. Meryl closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. She hated talking about depressing matters on her birthday. She looked at Kendra who smiled kindly at her, noting the worried expression in her eyes. Meryl didn't want to tell her story.  
  
Kendra knew Meryl very well. Her past was just so much darker than the rest of the children's were. Meryl had always kept to herself, and at first she didn't want to be around the other children when Kendra had first started taking care of them. Over time however, her heart of ice had melted, and she had become very outspoken, and rambunctious. If there was anyone with an attitude, and little tolerance of males, since of course her brother was a lecherous boy, it was Meryl.  
  
"How about some dinner?" Kendra said calmly. Millie gasped and jumped up, completely forgetting that she had forgotten about the spaghetti that was now bubbling inside the pot.  
  
As soon as Millie had gotten everything under control, the family engaged in friendly conversation, talking about the things that they have been up to for the past 6 years. Kirei was still finishing up prep-school, and Eric had graduated from high school, in which Meryl had missed, and he made sure that he had given her a guilt trip about it, and he was accepted at a college, he was to become a doctor. Meryl had told them that she had become an insurance officer at the Bernadelli Insurance Company, and that she worked in claims. Millie noted how casually she left Vash out of the conversation as she talked about the many cases that she had to deal with, including the one that was currently underway at the moment.  
  
As soon as they had all finished their dinner Millie brought out a chocolate cake. It was Meryl's favorite. As soon as Meryl had blown out the 26 candles that had protruded from the big chocolate mess Eric had made sure that he pushed her face into it, making it so that nobody would want to eat it. Meryl huffed in exaggeration, and stormed off to the bathroom, after muttering threats of death to her brother. Kirei and Kendra giggled innocently.  
  
"Well so much for that. Hey, I know, why don't we go down and get something to drink and celebrate the rest of Meryl's birthday there." Millie insisted. The group agreed, and even Meryl thought it was a good idea. Soon after they had all cleaned up the mess, Millie decided that it was time to go to the pub.  
  
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They all entered the pub, Meryl cursing at Eric under her breath. Eric chuckled lightly and picked his older sister up, and teased her because of how little she was. He kissed her on the cheek and then went to the bar and ordered 5 drinks for the group. Once getting their drinks and sitting down at the table they all engaged in casual conversation.  
  
Millie had to admit, she had never seen Meryl so happy in her life. It was as if Meryl was reliving something that she had lost so many years ago. Millie loved seeing Meryl this happy. For once she was glad that she able to do something that had meant so much to Meryl. They all chatted happily, and joked just like a real family would.  
  
"If you will excuse me, I have to use the restroom." Kirei said before getting up and leaving to use the restroom. Eric looked at his younger sister, as if telling her that she had 5 minutes to use the restroom, wash her hands, and walk back to the table.  
  
Meryl sighed as she looked down into her glass full of scotch. She had never really acquired a taste for it, but for some reason it seemed to atone for the emptiness that she felt inside. It just felt so different sitting by herself without the lecherous Vash sitting at the table and drinking until he passed out. She sighed once again and closed her eyes. The thought of Vash brought tears to her eyes. As she drowned in her own thoughts the talking around her became oblivious, and that was when Kendra and Eric knew something was wrong.  
  
"Who was the guy?" Kendra asked as she rubbed Meryl's back lazily. Millie didn't know whether to tell them or not, but she felt as though she really had no choice. What was she supposed to do lie? It just wasn't in her nature to lie, not in the least.  
  
"Just a man whom she fell in love with during one of her cases. Then something happened and he had to leave her. Meryl was so depressed for the longest time, it's been two years since the case and she still hasn't gotten over him. Something I still wonder why she continues to even bother, but the thought of him coming back to her makes her so happy. I thought that she was over him, but obviously not." Millie bit her lower lip as Eric seemed to get angrier as she spoke.  
  
"What's the fucker's name? I'll rip his throat out on the spot. That fucking faggot has no right to mess with my sister's emotions like that." Eric clenched his fists as he watched tears slid silently down Meryl's face.  
  
"Well she didn't exactly tell him how she felt before he left. She just let him go, so I told her that if she ever did find him again, that it would best for her to let him know before he leaves again."  
  
"I don't give a damn Millie. It should have been fucking obvious as to how she felt about him, I mean damn, how hard is it to know how much a girl can love a guy, especially since she is sitting here right now crying over his dumb ass." Millie was surprised at how angry Eric had gotten. He really did care for his sister. Kendra scoffed and hit Eric lightly on the mouth. Eric recoiled slightly, hating the fact that his mother was still able to discipline him even though he was an adult. But then again there was something about Kendra that made everyone want to fall at her feet and bow down to her.  
  
"HEY YOU LITTLE BITCH, WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU'RE WALKING." Kendra, Eric and Millie all stood up. Meryl was still deep in her own thoughts as the table shook violently as all three of their bodies hit it, causing it to rock back and forth. Meryl blinked for a moment, before noticing that everyone was standing. She stood up and gasped as she heard a startled yelp come from the direction of the restrooms.  
  
"Kirei!" Meryl yelped as she dashed through the group of drunk men who were watching her little sister get hit and beaten by a man twice her size. Meryl kneeled down next to her little sister as she scooped her up in her arms, and rocked her back and forth. Kirei was crying loudly, and Eric, Kendra and Millie were trying their hardest to get through the group of people, but since they weren't exactly as little at the other two women they got knocked back into a table.  
  
"What the hell is your problem?" Meryl asked the man, who stared down at her threateningly. He frowned and drove his foot into Meryl's side, the smell of liquor rising off of his body.  
  
"Stupid whores, fucking thinking that you could mess with me. Well I'll teach yo-" The man was suddenly cut off as Meryl leaned over her sister, blood dripping from her mouth. He had kicked her pretty hard, but there was something different about what he had kicked her with. Kirei managed to wrap her arms around her sister and shrieked as she pulled away from her, afraid to touch her.  
  
"Meryl you're bleeding!" Kirei said as she touched her wound. Glass shattered all around them and tables were broken. Kirei huffed and helped Meryl to her feet. As soon as they were able to stand they were both knocked down to the ground again by an incredible force. Kirei began to cry. Meryl comforted her as blood leaked down from her side, creating a small puddle on the ground. She tried her best to comfort Kirei, but the pain that was shooting throughout her body was telling her that her wound was more important than her crying sister. Sticky blood dripped off of her white uniform, and Meryl immediately felt her sisters hand attach itself to her side, in an attempt to stop the bleeding.  
  
By this time everyone in the pub was fighting. Beer bottles were being thrown, people were crashing into tables, walls were being cracked, and people were leaving trails of blood on the floor. Kirei buried her head in Meryl's chest in an attempt to escape the threatening people in the bar, it all brought back too much painful memory for her to bear.  
  
Gunshots sounded off inside the pub, and Kirei shrieked. Meryl chuckled as Kirei's scream was the only thing that echoed off of the walls after the gun was fired. Men were thrown out of the way as two men approached Meryl and Kirei. Kirei was lifted to her feet immediately and looked over as Meryl lay rested on the ground.  
  
Sweat beaded on Meryl's face as the pain shot through her body once more, making her double over. Strong arms wrapped around her waist and all she could feel was the knife from that man's boot tearing through her thin layer of flesh. She was whirled around and she smiled, looking up into a pair of familiar turquoise eyes. Whoever the man was, had saved her. Her vision blurred for a moment before the soft questioning voice of sorrow, worry, and relief reached her ears.  
  
"Insurance Girl?"  
  
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Well what did you think? I am sorry if it was boring, or if it went along too slow, but that was just how I wrote it. I will update within a period of two weeks, and that is how I will take care of my updates, so anyhoozles, I hope that you enjoyed it, and if you think that there is anything wrong with it, you should just tell me. It's funny how thick the plot to this story is, and I cant wait to finish writing it, but since of course I have another fic in the works, I will be updating that as well. . Not that you care about my other works, but well yeah. Like I said I will try to update within a period of two weeks or less, but there are no guarantees. Well review please!!!!  
  
~*Neko-Sama*~ 


	3. Chapter 2 Disagreements

Author's Note: Repost of Chapter 2 due to minor grammatical errors. I hope you enjoy it all the same.  
  
Disclaimer: I do now own Trigun.  
  
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~*The Love and Death of The Past*~  
  
~*Chapter 2- Disagreements*~  
  
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Meryl sat on her couch, her waist wrapped in bandages, as a doctor on house call left. She stared down at the bloodstained bandages that were wrapped around her upper torso, more or less to Kendra's request, who would not leave her side, not even to attend to Kirei, who of course was in the excellent care of Eric. Kendra sat down in a lazy chair, next to Meryl's couch and watched her as she pulled her woolen blanket up to her chest. Meryl seemed to be too deep into thought to be even bothered, and yet, Kendra couldn't help but notice how that saddened look in her eyes had disappeared.  
  
Meryl stared at her hand, trying her best to hold back a smile. She still couldn't believe that Vash was back, but even more so, she couldn't believe the way that she treated him once he was back. She stared at her hand, intently, as if trying to figure out the intricate designs that wove lazily around her palm that was once so very red.  
  
At first her eyes widened in disbelief at the sight of him, it was almost too unbearable to be able to look him in the eyes again. She felt the tears start to swell in her eyes, but when he had recognized her, he had just stared at her for a second before his eyes wandered aimlessly over her bleeding body, and then landed on Kirei. He was about to approach her, but Meryl shifted, catching his attention once more. She had backed away, her eyes narrowed dangerously. She lifted her head up to meet his gaze once more. Vash let out a small chuckle of nervousness, and then proceeded to back away. Meryl however was quicker than he had expected.  
  
The cold sting of her hand hitting his face set him toppling backwards. Meryl watched in anger and somewhat in amusement as he fell over, crying out in surprise as he did so. That's when Meryl felt it, all of her pain, all of her depression seemed to be gone. It was as if that ominous cloud that lingered over her so possessively just lifted, and went on its way to find another. Relief is was escaped her body next, finally ignoring the fallen Vash and looking over to her injured sister, remembering the fact that she had been beaten almost beyond repair. Meryl was at her side immediately, forgetting about her own wounds which were at the moment much more serious than Kirei's.  
  
Eric brought that to her attention immediately, and Meryl just shrugged it off, still not being able to feel any pain. It was almost as if it had been numbed, and it didn't happen until after she had let all of her frustration, loneliness, and depression out on Vash. In actuality though, she had also let go of some of her happiness, secretly rejoicing in the fact that he was near her again, but dreading the fact that he might soon leave. However, Vash would never leave an injured woman's side, Meryl suggested to herself, and that brought herself not to worry about a single thing.  
  
"It's nice to see you again too." Vash commented as he stood up, rubbing his cheek. Meryl turned around, a small smile gracing her lips at the sight of him. Millie still stared at Vash in utter disbelief before smiling, and giving him a huge hug. Meryl smiled, thinking to herself that she would need a hug eventually, but right now wasn't the best time. The pain in her side started to slowly increase, now that she wasn't thinking about anger anymore. She clutched it tightly, feeling blood seep through her fingers, and began to wonder how she was even still standing after loosing as much blood as she did.  
  
"Meryl needs immediate attention, call a doctor over to her house right away." Vash said as he walked passed them, moving some of the unconscious bodies out of the way of the exit so that Meryl wouldn't have to strain herself walking. Eric huffed and went to pick up the petit woman, but was stopped short by Kendra, who had told him that he needed to let her be, she would be able to survive the 5 minute walk home, even if she was loosing blood. Soon after they arrived at the apartment, Kendra ordered Kirei to take all the males into Millie's room so that Meryl could strip off the top portions of her clothes and get the blood around her wound cleaned.  
  
Kirei shooed them both into Millie's room, and then went to fetch some warm water, and a washcloth, while of course, Millie phoned a doctor. That was how she ended up looking down at her hand now. She still couldn't believe how many emotions she managed to discard in that one seemingly short moment. A smile graced her lips, at least she knew now that she would only have to slap someone to relieve herself of stress and torment. She glanced up from her hand briefly, casting an appreciative gaze at Kendra, who sat watching her, still intently and ever so curiously.  
  
"You grow stranger by the minute Meryl. Here I am, I've taken care of you for 16 years, and yet you still remain a mystery to me. How is that possible?" Kendra asked as she leaned forward in her chair. Meryl smiled meekly at her mother and shrugged her shoulders.  
  
"Honestly mom I do not know. But I have learned that no matter how much you know somebody they will always find a way to surprise you." Meryl nodded as Kendra stood up. She walked over to Meryl and sat down on the arm of the couch, wanting to make sure that she would inflict no damage to her beloved child whatsoever. She ran her fingers through Meryl's black hair and smiled calmly.  
  
"How very right you are. I will go and get you some pajamas, I don't want to force you to walk to your room, and then I will order Vash a room to stay in at the hotel so that he can get cleaned up."  
  
"It doesn't hurt. I actually feel nothing." Meryl stated honestly. Kendra laughed and patted her daughter's head once more. Meryl frowned, suddenly getting the feeling that she was being treated like a 10-year-old child again. She swerved her head away from her mothers reach and turned to look at her, motioning for her to go to her room and get pajamas.  
  
Kendra frowned slightly and walked away from her daughter, tapping on Millie's bedroom door, where the others were told to stay while the doctor tended to Meryl's wounds. The door opened slightly, and Kendra and whomever had answered the door, exchanging a few words before Kendra went into Meryl's room. Millie and Kirei had come out of the room first, followed by Vash and Eric. Kirei and Eric were at her side in a minute, asking her what had happened and if she would be all right. Meryl nodded, continually telling them over and over again that she would be fine, and that all she needed was a nights rest and she would be as good as ever.  
  
"Meryl what are you going to do about work tomorrow?" Millie asked her. Meryl's gray eyes wandered over to Millie, and then settled on Vash for a second. The corners of her mouth slightly curved, noticing how the feint red markings from her hand connecting with his face still lingered on his white skin ever so diligently. Meryl shrugged absently, before Kendra appeared with her clothing.  
  
"I guess that I could just go to work. As long as they don't have me traveling all over the place then I should be fine." Meryl commented slowly as she took her pajamas out of her mothers arms. Kendra looked down at Meryl as if daring her to say what she said again. Meryl pulled the shirt on over her bandages. (oh by the way, the bandages are wrapped all around Meryl's upper torso, like a tube top if you will.)  
  
"I don't think that it would be wise for you to go to work in your condition." Vash said quietly. Meryl looked up at him, her eyes smiling in amusement, but her face staying emotionless. Kendra looked at Vash, thanking him for telling her no, but knowing that no matter what, Meryl object to him.  
  
"Does it really matter? I told you before; I am not in any pain. I seriously don't feel a thing." Meryl commented almost too quietly for anyone to hear. "Besides its not like I am going to run off and travel around the world. All I am going to be doing is sitting at a desk all day and wrapping up a case that I am working on." Meryl said defiantly. Kendra sighed and Eric and Kirei both laughed. They knew how determined Meryl could be, and it seemed as though she was really determined to win this argument. Millie stood in silence marveling at Meryl's desire to go to work.  
  
'Maybe it is because she doesn't want to see Vash at all, she might end up running into him on the street or something, or maybe he might just want to visit her or something. He would visit though, I could just tell by the way he looks at her.' Millie thought as she crossed her arms over her chest. Vash sighed in annoyance before walking over to her and sitting on the couch near her feet.  
  
"Honestly Meryl, it would be in your best interest to stay home and get some rest so that your body will heal faster." Vash commented. Meryl frowned even bigger, while Eric and Kirei continued to analyze the two adults. Meryl was acting like such a child it amused both of them.  
  
"Believe it or not Vash I know what is best for me and I really need to go to work or else if I get back I will buried under so much paperwork when I do return. I at least need to pick up my paperwork so that I can work on it here."  
  
"I can do that." Millie said as she stepped forward. Meryl frowned at her friend, but then nodded, realizing that she was never going to win this battle. Vash smiled at Millie, silently thanking her for helping him keep Meryl home, he knew that she really needed to rest. Vash patted Meryl's leg absently, and Eric shot him a death glare. Eric still couldn't forget about what Millie had told him about the guy that Meryl had fallen so hopelessly in love with. It was the way that she looked at him though, the way she spoke to Vash that had given it completely away.  
  
What was it about this guy that made her go head over heels for him? And what was it about him that was so oblivious to Meryl's actions that he couldn't even tell that she had the slightest crush on him? No, Eric could tell that it was more then a crush, but then why wasn't it so obvious?  
  
He went to a recliner and sat down, keeping his eyes on Meryl, wondering if she would even notice him watching her. He wanted to pick up on her moves; he wanted to pick up on her actions. He wanted to figure out what it was that made her spark with enthusiasm. Eric was excellent at observing people, most people, simply look, and yet they don't observe, which Eric thought was the biggest mistake that mankind could ever make. Without observing ones actions, how was one supposed to know what kind of person they were?  
  
Eric had been watching Vash, and now it was time to watch Meryl. While watching Vash though, he had concluded that he was a very kind hearted person, with the ability to smile no matter what situation he may be in. However, he noticed that behind his happy smile and enthusiastic mask, his eyes were clouded with misery, misery and sorrow. Eric couldn't help but wonder what hardships Vash had to go through in order to have eyes so tainted that even they were afraid to tell a story.  
  
Meryl's past was painful yes, but why would she want to be with someone who could have possibly had an equally painful past such as she did? Maybe it was even more painful than he could describe. Eric crossed his arms over his chest and observed his sister further. He watched her eyes; they had grown so innocent ever since she had been reunited with Vash. It seemed as though a great burden had been lifted off of her shoulders, and she was able to live again, able to live without worries or sorrow, able to live with happiness and hope. Eric snorted. He did not understand why she would be happy in midst of what happened to her. Her family, and then she had just recently been stabbed in the side, and yet she felt no pain. How was that even humanly possible?  
  
Surely she had to be doubled over, and yet, she was acting as if nothing had happened to her. A smile graced Eric's face as he thought about the woven shade of mystery that was his sister. And as for Vash, he would find out more about him later, after all he didn't seem like much of a threat.  
  
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Her pale green eyes narrowed slightly as she looked down at the paperwork in her hands. She had not once in her life read over such a preposterous proposal. She sighed slightly, lifting her eyes, only to stare coldly into her client's eyes, never had anyone had to go to the top just because one of her workers couldn't make a decision. She already had enough on her hands, and yet she now had to make a proposal about her funds with this disgusting lowly bartender. She wouldn't have it.  
  
"How did you hear about my association?" She asked the brunette who sat at the other end of her desk. He smiled slightly, revealing gapped and rotten teeth. He looked her up and down analyzing the woman before speaking, in a gruff voice, one that sounded as though he had been yelling one to many times.  
  
"I just heard about your, your products, and I thought that it would be in my best interest to buy a stock." Her eyes wandered over his face, taking in ever scar, every wrinkle, every pigment, before looking away in disgust. She had never before witnessed such a disgusting looking person in her life.  
  
"I hardly believe that you will be able to pay for this amount up front. Now tell me what is your name, and why are you really here?" She asked. The bartender ran his fat roily fingers through his hair and snorted at her. There was no way that he was going to be told that he was too poor to afford what it was that he wanted.  
  
"Miss Atsui, if I may call you that, my bar makes enough money in order to pay for your distribution, I am only asking for 6 pounds, it cant be that hard to at least give me that." Miss Atsui closed her eyes and leaned back on her chair, letting out a long sigh. She knew exactly why he wanted six pounds, so that he could sell it and make a profit off of her superior product. She ran her fingers through her long dark hair and let out another sigh of exasperation.  
  
"Sir, if you don't mind me saying, I don't think you can afford six ounces let alone six pounds, now I suggest you get out of my office and rethink your plans, after all, my company is paying for the making of this product, and of course, unless you plan to pay double for what its worth, I highly doubt you should even think about stepping into my building again." Her voice was filled with a finality that even the bartender couldn't fight with. His eyes lingered on her beautiful facial features for a moment, before slowly standing up, and mechanically, she did the same. He took her hand in his for a firm shake and then proceeded to walk out the door. She watched him intently, noting the anger boiling up inside of him. She shook her head in shame and then turned to a guard stationed in the corner of her office.  
  
"Yuki?" He asked as he walked over to her desk. She smiled at him with admiration, glad that he was as obedient as ever, one of her more obedient guards, and then passed him a knowing glance. He smiled in appreciation, before looking grave once more.  
  
"That man, Connor make sure that he doesn't leave this building alive." She said as he nodded and ran out the office. Usually when one was denied her product they always decided that it was best to squeal to the police, and that was what she wanted not to happen. She had dealt with pigs enough, her mind wandering to what her next moneymaking target would be. She sighed slightly, hoisting herself on her desk and looked down at her knuckles. Scars hideously corrupted her usually gorgeous creamy white skin. She trailed a finger over the scars, remembering how only 16 years ago she plucked out the tiny shards of hate in this very office. She hit her desk with her fist, her eyes shooting upwards as someone entered her office.  
  
He looked grungy, as if he hadn't taken a bath in years. The putrid smell of urine, feces, and mildew reached her nose, causing her to recoil in disgust. The man wore nothing but dirty, soiled clothes, and here he was in her office. His hair was matted to his head, and she couldn't help but notice the disgusting dandruff that was caked on his shoulders. She placed a hand to her stomach, feeling as though she was going to hurl and snapped her fingers immediately, signaling her guards to remove this homeless wretch. However they wouldn't go near him. His odors made them want to vomit as well.  
  
"What is it that you want?" Yuki ascertained. The man smiled, revealing his yellow grimy teeth and then stuck his dirty hand into his brown jacket, pulling out a soiled piece of paper.  
  
"Well Miss Atsui, I heard that there was a rumor associated with you and this company going around about this girl." He said as he held up a picture. Yuki's eyes widened, and then narrowed in hatred and anger. There was no doubt about it; she was alive after all.  
  
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Well I am ending it there, its short, but you guys will get over it. Anyhoozles, I promise to make the next chapter longer, I swear that I will. And sorry for taking so long to update, I was actually busy with making up homework and now I have 4 fricken essays to work on, and ugh, its exhausting, but I promise to update faster next time!!!! Well anyhoozles please review and tell me what you think. And you probably already know what kind of "company" Miss Yuki is running. And just in case you are confused, Yuki Atsui is her name, and it means snow hot, but there is a reason behind it, because she is as cold as ice, but has a very hot temper!!! Well that's not revealing anything important to the story only the significance of her name, Anyhoozles I will update soon, and I hope that you enjoyed it. REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!  
  
~*Neko-Sama*~ 


	4. Chapter 3 Unhealed Wounds

Author's Note: Well it is 10:41 p.m. on May 31, 2003, and I would just like to say that I am glad that I had enough extra time and energy to write this, despite the lack of sleep that I have been having just stressing over school and sports, and on top of that the constant musical concerts that I have been forced to attend, but I guess that is what comes with being a violist. And another thing that didn't help was that fact that my sister is graduating from the 6th grade, and coincidentally she was chosen to be the valedictorian for her class. But with all the lack of sleep I am still surprised that I got this out.  
  
Anyways its not that any of you are actually reading this, but those of you who are I would just like to thank you for reading my uncontrollable urge to complain to you about my meaningless problems. Well anyways I will let you read now, that is if you haven't already skipped over this stupid section and well enjoy. Oh and I don't know if this chapter is all that great, but hey at least I got it out.  
  
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The Love and Death of The Past  
  
~*Chapter 3- Unhealed Wounds*~  
  
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"Sit." Yuki said as she motioned to the bum, that had just entered her office, nearly making her sick not only to his appearance, but to his smell as well. He had to be oblivious to it, as to enter her office, which was tainted with that of bloodlust and lust alike. He was a completely disgusting creature, but his reasons for showing up had completely caught her interest, making her completely forget about his odor, except for the fact that it kept tugging at her senses, silently reminding her that he belonged on the streets.  
  
He slid the picture across her desk, and into her hands, smudging it with the heavy almost crusted dirt that rested so needlessly on his hands. She took it with acute interest and stared into the picture. It was the eyes that had given her away. They were so innocent, and yet they were also tainted with things no woman should ever have to experience. She studied the other figure in the picture. It was a tall woman, with brown almost glossy hair. It seemed that the two were close. Maybe, if this were in fact her, they would need to use the brunette as a tool to render her victim weak.  
  
She never really had the chance to learn of the child's name. She only remembered that it was similar to her own mother's name. Yuki recalled the only rival that she ever had to face in her life. Meridth. Yes, that was her name if she remembered correctly. She was the wife of William Stryfe who she had killed so valiantly only years ago.  
  
'Valiantly? If you call killing the man you love valiant.' Yuki snorted in disgust at her own thoughts. It was true that she had felt guilty at first, but then she had realized that it was only so that she could rise in power. It was something that the other workers found completely disgusting at first, but then learned to live with it. She averted her attention back to the picture to try and remember what the child's name was, concentration apparent to the man, by the way her brow furrowed in aggravation. A small smile graced his lips and then he cleared his throat and pointed to the writing on the back of the picture.  
  
Yuki growled in agitation and flipped the picture over and read the two names aloud.  
  
"Meryl Stryfe 23, Millie Thompson 25." Meryl.of course! That was what her name was. Meryl's father was so proud of her; he even talked about his daughter after they had finished making love. A disgusting thing to do, and yet, he had loved his daughter so much. It seemed that he loved his wife even more, but why go through troubles to cheat on his wife with someone else? She shook the thought out of her head and then set the picture down, folding her arms across her chest.  
  
"Where did you get this picture? When was this taken?" She asked coldly, almost uncaring. The man raised an eyebrow and then looked to the ground.  
  
"I got it from an old friend. He claims that it was taken 3 years ago, but I am not entirely sure. He's related to her in some way from what I know. Personally, I fell in love with her eyes from the moment I saw it, but then, there was a rumor going around, one that supposedly buried a long time ago about one of your missions going unfinished. I managed to do some research, and then I found out that she was connected to it. And judging by your now vacant expression, she is." He sat back in his chair, folding his arms across his chest, noting how quickly she had taken in the information, disbelieving. She looked clueless at first, but masked it, cursing him for his incompetence. He had made a fool out of her, so he was definitely going to pay.  
  
"How much do you want for this information?" She asked sweetly, putting him on guard almost at once. He leaned forward, his hand going down to his side, fingering a small gun in it holster, unnoticed by anyone else in the room. Yuki leaned back, his smell dancing around in her nostrils.  
  
"More than you can supply. I know more than you can ever imagine about this girl. But to put a price on life? I hate everything about it. I will not take your damn drug money even if my life depended on it. It's true that I came in here to sell this girl out, but that's only because I am just as bloodthirsty as you are. Just give me her eyes, and I will be content." He stated matter-of-factly. Yuki reared back, startled, and disgusted by this offer. He wanted her eyes? She could never think of a more disgusting offer than that. She stood up and folded her arms over her chest, and walked over to a window, opening it with much urgency. She just wasn't able to tolerate his disgusting smell any longer.  
  
" You can go and cut her eyes out of their sockets yourself. We only taint our hands with blood so much." Yuki said as she stared out of the window, towards the starry night sky. The man smirked and shook his head.  
  
"I wont touch another person with my own hands, if it would risk killing them."  
  
"You just said that thirsted for blood. Are you honestly that backwards?" Yuki asked in mild aggravation. This man was confusing her more and more. Not only that his sick and twisted thoughts were going to haunt her, but he knew it now more than ever.  
  
"You wouldn't understand. It's a family matter." He retorted angrily. He felt like walking over to her and ripping her throat out, and yet, he felt as if there would be a much better use for her in the long run.  
  
"Humans get more disgusting every single day." Yuki said airily, still content with staring out at the starry night sky. The man chuckled; it was just too ironic. He stood up, walking over to her, blowing off the guards that had started to walk towards them, machine guns ready. He grabbed Yuki by the hair, suddenly, running his lips over her exposed neck.  
  
"You are the first human to ever agree with me." He stated, smiling mischievously as she shivered at his touch. Yuki turned to face him, looking him straight in the face, suddenly noticing his angelic features. She stared at him momentarily before motioning to one of her guards.  
  
"Show him to a room and get him some clean clothes. We may need him." She said, motioning towards the door. He smiled wickedly before walking with now confused guards. She placed her hand against the spot on her neck as the room emptied, consisting only of herself and thought for a minute. How was she going to go about extracting all the information about Meryl from him? She touched the moistened spot on her neck gingerly once more.  
  
This man was certainly aggressive, and yet he was gentle. He was blood thirsty, and yet he wouldn't kill. He was definitely a mystery that she would have to solve, but for now, she had to push aside his contradictive personality and focus on more important matters, those being Meryl Stryfe and how she was going to go about killing her.  
  
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Millie closed the door behind her, leaving Meryl to sleep. She was certainly wondering who was going to get to the house first, Meryl's family or Vash. Certainly Vash would come first, after all, it took hours just to get him to leave Meryl alone. Maybe he was just returning the favor, after all she had taken care of him after he had shot Legato, which of course sent him off the deep end for a while, and then when he had left. Millie couldn't help but think of how helpless Meryl became after that.  
  
She walked down the stairs quickly, too lost in thought to pay attention to whom was approaching her quietly. She sidestepped him, as if not even noticing that he was alive, but recovered quickly when he tapped her on the shoulder.  
  
She whipped around and smiled widely at her friend and then fished her keys out of her pocket. She titled her head knowingly and then nodded as he took them reluctantly.  
  
"Vash, don't bother Meryl as much all right? The pain finally came to her ten-fold last night, she was crying so hard, so just be careful. Some pain killers are in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, so just give her two if she is in sudden pain." She stated. Vash tilted his head in minor amusement. She hadn't even said hello to him, but just started barking out orders. He had to admit, Millie did change a lot after Wolfwood died, she became much more stronger, and maybe taking care of Meryl was the only way she was able to compensate for what she had lost so long ago.  
  
'No she didn't lose him. Not at all.' He thought noting the sudden determined look that set in her eyes. He nodded slowly, and then turned around to walk up the stairs. Millie nodded, but didn't move as she watched him ascend the stairs. She couldn't help but wonder if it was really healthy for Meryl to go through the torment of being around Vash again, but then knew that it was. It was part of love and it was part of life, but the thing that surprised her most was that Meryl WAITED for Vash to return, to return to her. She sighed complacently before descending the steps to head to work.  
  
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Meryl's gray eyes fluttered open slowly taking in her surroundings. She was lying in her room, with little memory of ever returning to her room last night. She blinked realizing that she had barely any memory of last night, except she remembered her family, and Vash. Meryl shot up in her bed as she thought about Vash, wondering if it was simply a dream or not. The sound of flesh ripping tore her thoughts in half, and she doubled over in pain, suppressing the urge to scream, but a whimper managed to escape her lips as she let her tears fall rapidly and wildly.  
  
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Vash entered the apartment, closing the door silently behind him and walked towards Meryl's bedroom door. He wondered if he should even walk in there, knowing that Meryl would probably call him a pervert and throw something at him, which he wouldn't avoid, due to respect for her pride, and yet, he would be at an advantage all the same. It wouldn't be like she would be able to chase him around after all she was injured, and if she did move around suddenly, her wound would rip open, and even she wouldn't risk that kind of pain. He stood next to her door, wondering if he should risk entering anyways when he heard a light whimper from within the room.  
  
'Maybe she's dreaming.' Vash thought. If that was the case he definitely did not want to wake her. He cracked open her door, just to make sure she was asleep, and when he saw her lying down in her bed, unmoving, he decided that she was asleep. He closed the door slowly, not making any noises and then walked to the kitchen, deciding on what to make her for breakfast for when he did wake up.  
  
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Meryl's body went limp when she heard her doorknob turn. Was Millie still home? She glanced over to the clock, and quickly ceased all movement despite the increasingly intolerable twinge that sent sharp shivers of pain rocketing throughout her entire body. She was lucky that she had her bloodied side to the mattress of the bed, otherwise, the intruder would have seen her blood soaked sheets, and rushed to her side immediately. As soon as she heard the door close she let out rough jagged breaths, as hot blinding tears impaired her vision once more.  
  
She slid out of her bed, and quickly ripped the sheets off of her bed, frowning at the small bloodstain that appeared on her mattress, she was definitely going to have to clean that up before someone saw it. She walked to her door; her right hand permanently attached to her bleeding side, and wiped the tears out of her already red and puffy eyes before opening it quietly and peeking out. She let out a small sigh of relief.  
  
'Good, nobody is there.' She thought before making a beeline to the bathroom. She closed and locked the bathroom door behind her, before stripping off her nightgown and looking at her almost naked figure in the mirror. Her eyes roamed over the naked portion of her top half, criticizing herself in her mind. She always managed to find something 'dishonorable' about her body, she also made it into a habit of hers to wish something was different about her body every time she looked herself in the mirror.  
  
And this time it was just what she wanted to see; a naked body caked in blood. She frowned in mild disgust before taking the bandages off of her body and throwing them in the waste bin. She grabbed a washcloth and turned the water on quietly, making sure not to have it on too loud and cleaned her stinging wound, cleaning up all traces of blood as quickly as possible.  
  
She cringed in pain as she accidentally stabbed her wound with the washcloth, letting out a ragged strangled cry of pain. She slumped to the ground as the pain escalated to something that she never could have imagined, and watched the blood flow from her newly opened wound, which was supposedly stitched closed flawlessly. She frowned absently before staring back at the bloody cloth angrily. Of course that little piece of material would be the thing to cause her so much pain.  
  
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Vash went still as he heard Meryl cry out in pain. He put down the wooden spoon ( I really like wooden things so please don't ask) with which he was stirring some oatmeal with and walked briskly to her room, worried that she may have hurt herself in her sleep. He opened her door and froze. Instead of a crying Meryl, he saw an empty room. He looked at her bed and noticed that the sheets were thrown carelessly to the ground.  
  
What caught his attention even more however was the bloodstain that was very eminent against her white mattress. He mentally cursed himself, knowing that she was awake long ago. Of course he would be dumb enough to believe that she was sleeping. He walked out of her bedroom and knocked on the bathroom door, knowing that she would have gone into it only to clean her wounds.  
  
"Meryl, you in there?" He asked.  
  
Meryl froze on the other side of the door after hearing Vash's voice. Was he really there? She sat in silence for a moment before scrambling to get the door open. She looked up at him from her position on the floor, completely oblivious to the fact that her wound was bleeding rapidly, and that she was partially nude.  
  
'Wow...I wonder if she knows that she's...wow.' Vash thought to himself as he stared down at her partially naked body. He was absolutely blown away with how beautiful she looked, despite the fact that she was bleeding so heavily.  
  
Vash knelt down next to her, an arrogant smile threatening to play at his lips, but he managed to keep it under wraps. He lifted her up gently and sat her on the bathroom counter. He glanced around for her nightgown and grabbed it quickly, wrapping it around her upper torso, just enough to cover her nakedness. Meryl blushed furiously, completely forgetting that she was naked, but couldn't help but smile at his modesty. The next thing she knew was that he was draping a towel across her lap.  
  
'He's too modest.' Meryl thought as he grabbed a washcloth and doused it with hot water. She looked at him, getting over her previous state of embarrassment and watched him carefully, wondering what he was doing here. He waited until the washcloth was dripping with scolding hot water and cleaned the blood from around her wound, deep in concentration.  
  
He had to admit, he was never close to a woman like this before, and thought of being this close to a woman who was well nude, made his pulse quicken with absolute uncertainty. The fact of the matter was this was Meryl, and she still had yet to slap him for even looking at her in her "vulnerable" state. The thought of that made him smile. She definitely wasn't acting like she used to. He cocked his head to the side as he wrung the washcloth out, watching the blood mix with water and spiral down the drain.  
  
Meryl turned and watched him, her eyes flooding over with passion. He turned suddenly, looking into her gray eyes and smiled. 'Oh God.' Meryl thought as she crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"Can you move for a sec?" Vash asked. She did so obediently and he opened the medicine cabinet, and began looking for her painkillers. She was going to need it if he was going to have to find a way to keep the wound from reopening again. But what was he supposed to use to keep it closed? He grabbed a small yellow bottle with her painkillers in it and opened it, placing two of them in her hands.  
  
Meryl frowned with mild distaste, she hated taking medicine, but as long as it made the sudden surge of pain go away she didn't have a problem with it.  
  
"Vash, when did you get here?" She asked, tired of the elongated silence. He looked at her before filling a small pixie cup with cold water. (Sorry into interrupt the story once again, but those little pixie cups that people put in their bathrooms are sooo coool.)  
  
"Take your medicine." He said as he handed it to her. Meryl frowned and snatched the cup away from him and took her medicine before asking him once more.  
  
"Not too long ago actually, I just wanted to check up on you before I left the city." Vash stated. Meryl looked away. She could feel them, the tears that threatened to flow from her eyes, just like the last time he left her. Her hands started trembling violently, she had to stop, she couldn't cry.  
  
'Who was I to think that he would stay?' Meryl thought to herself. She couldn't help but believe that she was the one being selfish. Besides he probably had more important things to do. She felt a hand rest on top of hers and she turned and looked into a pair of beautiful liquid aqua eyes. She felt that she could just melt after looking into them.  
  
"Meryl are you alright?" Vash ascertained. Meryl flashed him a forced smile and nodded.  
  
"Vash, you aren't really going to leave again are you?" Meryl asked, turning her hand in his to squeeze it tightly. Vash sighed heavily. He didn't know what to tell her. He had to leave; he had his own reasons. He nodded slowly. He hated having to leave an injured woman all by himself, especially one who had saved his life on some occasions.  
  
"Please don't go. It's been so long since I've gotten to see you. I-I-" Meryl stopped talking and turned away, withdrawing her hand from his. Vash felt selfish. He just couldn't turn her down like that. After all she did take care of him after his fight with Legato. He did at least owe her that much. 'All right then I won't leave for now.' Vash thought, still keeping his eyes on Meryl. She turned her head and looked down at her wound, which was bleeding with more intensity than before. Vash followed her gaze and cursed himself before grabbing a towel and pushing it against her wound. Meryl shrieked in mild pain and surprise.  
  
"How am I going to stop it from bleeding?" Vash asked contemplating on the different ways that he could close her wound. He gave her painkillers to numb the pain, which seemed to have taken affect quickly, much to his surprise. Meryl sighed long and hard, causing his attention to drift back to her once again.  
  
"You can always sear it close, as much as that would hurt." Vash shook his head almost at once. He definitely didn't want to burn her just to help her wound, besides, the thought of smelling burnt flesh just about disgusted him. Meryl cleared her throat and frowned.  
  
"Vash we are really all out of options, unless of course you are able to stitch my wounds back together."  
  
"We can always call a doctor to come and do it." Vash retorted. Meryl shook her head.  
  
"You remember how long it took for the doctor to come last night, so why would we wait, all the while have me lose more blood, possibly go unconscious just for a stupid doctor to arrive when we can just sear it closed? I mean yeah it will hurt, but honestly I don't want to be the epitome of life's cruel jokes, pain being one of them." Meryl stated bluntly. Vash looked down at the now blood stained towel. For now he was going to have to get her something to eat, so that her blood count would go up.  
  
"Stay here. I made some oatmeal for you, we will just give you that for now, you know until the doctor arrives." He said as he walked out of the bathroom.  
  
"VASH!" Meryl yelled, frowning angrily at his stubbornness. She frowned as she went to jump off of the counter, but Vash's voice stopped her.  
  
"I said stay there!" He yelled from in the kitchen. Meryl froze in place. How was he able to know that she was moving? She cursed herself mentally. Of course he was able to know, he was Vash the fucking Stampede. She let out a low growl of frustration and positioned herself back on the counter. She muttered some obscenities and glared at the wall in front of her.  
  
"Here ya go." Vash said as he set the bowl of oatmeal next to her. She looked at it angrily before picking up the spoon and shoving a spoonful in her mouth. She let out a small yelp of pain. Of course she just had to scorch her tongue.  
  
"I guess I forgot to tell you that it was still hot." Vash chuckled to him self. Meryl turned dark and threatening eyes on him, but when she saw his angelic smile, she couldn't help but look away in exasperation. He was leaving again, and here she was arguing with him, yet, she still couldn't stop the words from flowing out of her mouth once more.  
  
"You aren't really going to leave are you Vash? I am sure you have your reasons to leave, but cant you stay for just a while longer, I haven't really had time to visit with you." Meryl looked away, she hadn't tried to stop him last time and yet now she was. Could she really be that selfish?  
  
Vash looked at her for a long time. He was pulled into a very unrealistic daze by just staring at her. Of course this happened to Vash whenever he was looking at a beautiful woman, however, this was Meryl, he wasn't supposed to look at her like she was any other woman. Because after all he knew that she was different. Meryl's voice had yanked him out of his slight daze and he smiled warmly at her.  
  
"Of course I can stay for a few days, besides with your wound being torn open, even though it was sewn together, I suppose that you will need some sort of..protection." Meryl turned to meet his gaze. She couldn't believe her ears. Did he really just say that he would stay?  
  
'He did say it didn't he?' Meryl thought to himself. She couldn't help but smile boldly at him. Then all of his words came into her mind. 'Need some sort of protection.'  
  
"I don't need protection, after all I am a very capable woman, and if that fails, then I will always have Eric to help me out. I mean after all, he's my big brother, and although you are my lo-...friend," she stopped herself almost at once, " Eric is also a very capable man. Exactly like you." Meryl smiled boldly once more and shoved some more hot oatmeal onto her scorched tongue. She savored the wonderful cinnamon taste of oatmeal, and then went back to staring at the wall.  
  
She had completely forgotten about her wound, and become completely oblivious, to the now almost blank look that Vash was giving her.  
  
'Of course she would depend on her older brother. Boy that guy gives me the creeps, always looking, but its as if he is staring through me and not at me. Almost as if he doesn't trust me..I wonder why that is.' Vash thought to himself as he watched Meryl eat her food, he too completely forgetting about her opened wound. He seemed to have disappeared from the planet however, because even when Meryl had continued to repeat his name over and over again, he still didn't answer her, and the distant look in his eyes didn't help much either.  
  
Somehow, Meryl thought that it was her comment that had thrown him off so suddenly. 'It's almost as if.maybe he WANTS to protect me or something.' She contemplated to herself off handedly.  
  
~*~  
  
Yuki had sat in her office going through paperwork, of her previous deals. She couldn't believe how many loose ends that she had to tie up because of clients that had decided to run off without finishing their payments on her product. The thought pissed her off very much. She was too lost in thought to even think about Meryl that morning. She rummaged through papers, trying to remember the faces of clients that she had served, although she couldn't quite compensate. She had always seen a great number different faces, but unfortunately she could not remember anyone by the name of Scott Daniels. She was usually so good with matching up a face with names.  
  
Yuki growled impatiently, she really needed to keep some sort of photo available, like a mug shot of some sort. She cussed to herself, murmuring about the unsatisfactory company that she was now forced to run, why was it? Because she had decided to kill some man that she was so in lust with.  
  
'In lust with huh? And here I thought it was love the entire time. I guess I am nothing more than a jealous bitch. Just like every used to call me.' She thought to herself before muttering obscenities. She was so drowned in thought that she did not even notice a guard that entered her office. Thoroughly unaware of the intruder she continued to go through the paperwork, not really looking at it, just trying to make it seem as though she were doing her job as top executive of this drug ring.  
  
"U-uh Excuse me Ms. Atsui?" He questioned. Yuki shot her eyes up, blinking in momentary shock before recollecting herself and motioning to him with a wave of her hand that she was listening. The man had frowned slightly, somewhat annoyed that she had barely even acknowledged his presence but continued on anyways.  
  
"The visitor from last night would like to see you. He is waiting in his room. He claims that it is important as well." He said before bowing respectively. Yuki looked up, a light showing in her usually cold impassive green eyes. She had completely forgotten about him. She stood up quickly and walked out of her office, closing and locked the door with care. There were just so many things that were important to her in that office, that nobody was supposed to get their hands on.  
  
She followed the man to the 5th floor of the building, where most of her employees lived, almost like small apartments. She of course lived in the pent house of the building, which she had only shared with one other man since that fateful day.  
  
She came to a door at the end of the hall and knocked on it slightly before opening it to reveal a man sitting on his bed. Yuki tilted her head to the side, realizing that she had never laid eyes on this man before. She took in his features, his extremely neatly combed yet short blonde hair, remembering vaguely that it was brown when she had seen it, his nice creamy white skin, which was once caked in dirt, and then the almost intoxicating wonderful smell emulating off of him.  
  
Yuki stared at him, sucked into a desperate trance. She realized that this was in fact that disgusting creature that she had allowed to enter her office only 12 hours ago, in the depths of the night. She watched his blank expression turn to ones of amusement as he turned his head towards her, and almost at once as looked into his blue eyes, her mind was thrown into a cold dark void.  
  
Never in her life had she seen eyes so empty, and yet so truly alive.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Yes!!! I HAVE FINISHED IT! Ok, so maybe you don't understand the euphoric pride sweeping over my tired body right now, but who cares. Anyways I hope that you enjoyed it and I feel like calling my boyfriend, who well is most likely doing something completely meaningless right now, I haven't really talked to him since earlier today and I am already feeling as though I haven't talked to him for an eternity. Well it probably has been an eternity in my eyes, but I am just so love struck. Anyways like I said before I hope that you enjoyed the story, and well please review. Personally I thought that the bathroom scene was somewhat cute, and I did notice that Meryl and Vash stared at each other a whole lot. Anyways review and tell me what you think. I will even take flames, because well, I feel like laughing at those who think my story sucks. Oh yes, sorry if they are a little OOC if not a whole lot.  
  
~*Neko-Sama*~ 


	5. Chapter 4 Heartache

**Author's Note**: Just so everyone knows, I do not, I repeat, I do not know anything about Knives' character or what he acts like since I have not seen the episode where Knives and Vash finally make confrontation. I apologize if he is OOC, but hey shit happens. And there's a whole section of italics in this story, and it represents a dream. 

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Trigun

**Warnings**: Sadness and Death. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

~*The Love and Death of The Past*~

~*Chapter 4 – Heartache*~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Vash sat in Meryl's living room, chewing on his bottom lip nervously. He could not stand to be under the watchful eye of her brother, sister, _and_ mother at the same exact time. He never wanted to be the scrutiny of the three family members, who were now crowded around a very unconscious Meryl, shooting him dirty looks. 

For one, it wasn't his fault. He did call the doctor as soon as he noticed her laying sprawled out on the bathroom floor in her own puddle of blood. But it wasn't his fault. She was the one who stretched her wound and then had to look at him like she did, causing him to get lost in the moment. Then she just had to faint from blood loss. 

As soon as he did get a hold of a doctor, and secured the appointment her family members showed up to check up on her. She was fine, she had a towel placed carefully over her wound, resting needlessly on the couch, but then, those looks they gave him when they saw her. God damn it, it wasn't his fault he forgot to put her clothes back on her.

Thinking about the situation, it was all Meryl's fault, completely her fault that she decided to undress in front of him. It was all her fault. He would not take responsibility for it. And well it wasn't his fault she looked so ridiculously **yummy** without the upper portions of her clothes on either. But thinking about it, Vash realized that it was _his _fault that he didn't put some clothes back on her. But she just looked so good!

Vash turned away from the three adults and looked out a window. It did look bad on him though. He looked like a complete lecher, not to mention her wound was stretched and had reopened, plus she was unconscious. Things just weren't looking up for him today. All he wanted to do was to be able to visit Meryl, see if she would be all right, and then go about his business. But nooo. Why did life always have to be so cruel to him?

"Well Vash, now that we are here, I think that it is time for you to leave. We can take it from here." Kendra stated as she flipped her blonde hair over her shoulders. Kendra smiled sweetly at him, forcing it no less before turning back to her daughter. Eric still wore a disturbed glare plastered on his face. He just could not look at Vash. What little respect for him that he did have was completely thrown out the window when he arrived.

Kirei however was still shocked. She had never thought to see her sister practically nude, lying on her couch. She thought that Vash was a sweet loving man, but it turned out that he was nothing more than a lecher, a womanizer, a _pervert_. How was Meryl even able to stand him? Vash looked over towards the family and nodded solemnly. It was time that he did leave after all; Meryl was all stitched up, clothed, and resting ever so peacefully. What exactly did she need him here for?

_'I guess that I should leave. It would make things much easier after all.'_ Vash stood up slowly. He wanted to explain what happened, God how he wanted to explain, but those looks, those looks of pure disgust and hatred that were imbedded in their faces told him not to even try. They did not want to hear what he had to say, besides they might have even thought of it as a lie, which was something he did not want to be deemed as either. He was already the first human disaster, and a lecher. He did not want to be deemed a liar either.

Nodding slowly Vash walked over towards the three people, grimacing as they all stood in front of Meryl, acting as a shield. Sadness seemed to fill Vash's turquoise eyes as he watched this display. He was just saying bye and they were acting like he was going to attack Meryl. '_God damn it all._' Vash thought as he stuck out his hand to Kendra.

The older woman looked at his outstretched hand and then took it gracefully, shaking it only momentarily. Pursing his lips Vash then shook Eric's hand, watching as Eric's dark brown eyes glared at him without contemplation. Kirei came next, but seemed to look at the blonde man as if he were some defiled creature. Vash sighed and grabbed her hand for a spilt second before turning on his heel and walking towards the door. He stopped momentarily only to say good-bye.

"Well, I guess I will see you guys around. Can you tell Meryl that I hope she gets better and not to open any more doors when she is partially naked?" He asked, sarcasm apparent in his voice. Vash laughed to himself as he noticed the looks of pure disgust upon their faces. _'At least they know how to control their tempers. Most people would be trying to kill me by now.'_ Vash sighed once more before walking out the door and closing it behind him.

Vash leaned against the door the thought of his promise to Meryl coming back to his mind. Was it right to promise her that? He needed to find Knives, once again. Although Knives did vow not to harm anyone else, he still seemed disconnected from the world, as though it were some infectious disease. Something he did not necessarily need. Biting his lower lip Vash descended the steps of the apartment building and stepped into the outside world.

He couldn't help but think that things were going to get a lot worse for him. Scratching his head Vash walked towards the pub. There would be nothing better than to rid himself of his depressing thoughts than a nice glass of Black Velvet.

~*~

Yuki sat at the head of a long table filled with her employees, and one special guest. That certain guest, Yuki could not keep her eyes off of. He was just too beautiful. His golden hair, his blue eyes, his perfect physique, everything about him seemed perfect. Except, his eyes seemed as though he were hiding something. The sad thing about this was Yuki still did not know his name. She had completely forgotten to ask him about it. No less, the images running through her mind about the handsome man left her completely incoherent.

She was not listening to the man previously speaking about their annual money intake, which was now estimated to be 100 billion double dollars as of last week. Yuki did not care whatsoever. She was too distracted by him. He just sat completely still, staring past the woman who sat adjacent of him at the white wall. 

Yuki tilted her head to the side as she kept her green eyes plastered to him, trying to read his expression. He looked as though he were bored out of his mind. He stared, his blue eyes transfixed, a bemused smile spreading on his face, and yet he still seemed bored. Another man started to address Yuki on how much money they were spending on the equipment that they used to make their product, but she wasn't listening. Yuki's eyes narrowed slightly as she noticed the smile on his face grow wider. 

_'What the hell is he smiling about?'_ Yuki thought as she stared him down some more. Suddenly she jumped, noticing his eyes swivel over to her, and watch her with the same intensity that she was watching him, all the while his smile growing somewhat bigger. _'He's fucking laughing at me. That bastard.'_ Yuki thought as her spokesperson started calling out her name in order to get her attention. 

"Miss Atsui?" He asked as she continued to glare at the newcomer with renewed interest. The man seemed to motion towards her spokesperson with his head, catching her somewhat off guard.

"YUKI!" The man yelled, causing her to jump.

"What the fuck?!" She yelled unintentionally. The people in the room seemed to wince at her sudden outbreak of anger. Yuki closed her green eyes slightly before taking a deep breath. She lifted her head up, pushing her dark hair over her shoulders before nodding at the man. "My apologies, now what were you saying?" She ascertained, her voice calm and filled with a false kindness. The brunette man nodded slowly before continuing on with his topic.

"It seems that people have been getting extremely worried about the number of loved ones that have gone missing. What should we do about this?"

"Absolutely nothing. Why do you ask?" Yuki asked finally able to get her attention off of the object of observation. She straightened up slightly as she kept her eyes on the brunette who was head of the production branch. He was short and round, with a thick mustache and very beady black eyes. His cheeks were rosy, and he had very full thick lips. His voice didn't match his outer exterior however, for he sounded very small and meek. Not to mention he was a complete coward. That had to be the only reason that Yuki had hired him in the first place.

"If they get _any_ Insurance company on us we'll be torn apart. Their investigative branch will track their purchases easily, and then trace it back to us. What will we do? We just can't risk it." Yuki sat for a moment, contemplating their situation. She had ordered the disposal of a good number of clients that she had because she did not allow them to buy her product. Their financial background was one of the main reasons, and then their occupation was the second reason that she never did sell to them. Chewing her lower lip she thought about a course of action, coming to nothing. She sighed in frustration, she would simply leave it up to intelligence.

"It seems like your company has a lot of unneeded loose ends. The only reason that can happen is if there is an unfit leader running it." A voice spoke out of nowhere. Yuki turned her attention to the source of the voice and glared. Nobody was going to insult her like that. She stood up abruptly placing her hands against the cool glass surface of the table.

"Before I order your death, tell me, what is your name?" Yuki asked, holding in her anger for a slight moment. She would not let his crude comment get to her. She would ride it out, she was strong, and she did not care. She would be the grown up person in this situation, but that did not mean that she couldn't at least order his death, did it? The man stood up as well, running his fingers through his short blonde hair.

"Knives, not that it matters if you are going to kill me. But do tell me, why would you order the death of someone that you admire so openly?" A grin flashed across his features as her eyes narrowed dangerously. He knew that she was watching him earlier, and he just sat there and allowed it to happen. Now he was making a complete fool out of her in front of her peers. She would not allow it; her pride would not let her allow it. _'He will die'_. Forget ordering him to die, she would kill him herself.

Moving quickly she pulled her gun from its holster that was hidden under her business jacket. She pulled the safety back quickly and pointed the gun at Knives. She placed her finger on the trigger, ready to shoot. She would not allow him to make a mockery of her. The sun glistened of the black metal of the gun, blinding some of the executives of the board. Others too had pulled out their guns, to use only for protection. Yuki however was surprised. Knives wasn't the only one at the end of a gun, she was as well.

Smiling she sweetly she eased up slightly, before motioning for her guards to come and take Knives away. They grabbed the man roughly, pulling his gun away from him and tossing it at Yuki who caught it easily. Her eyebrow rose in question as the gun felt incredibly light. She wanted to examine it, but something else caught her attention. She looked up quickly, frowning in dismay, as it was Knives. The guards were trying to remove him, but he wouldn't budge. _'What in the hell?'_ Yuki thought, as she stayed completely motionless.

"It seems that Meryl gets to live a little longer then. What a pity." Knives commented as he pushed the guards away from him. He turned around quickly, striding out of the room with great ease. Yuki glared at his retreating back and dropped the gun on the glass table, smiling wickedly as it cracked. She could not believe that she was so blind as to forget about _why_ Knives was there in the first place. It did not matter though. Since Knives was being so discrete about his information, she would go looking for Meryl herself. It would only be a matter of time before intelligence tracked her down anyways.

Sitting down in her chair she leaned back, folding her hands in front of her. All of the people in the room watched Yuki with mild interest before looking back towards the large man who still seemed to have a startled expression on his face. Yuki glanced at him, motioning to him with her head to continue, and he did so obediently.

"I think that the best way to be able to keep this problem from surfacing is to just eliminate the entire family. It's the most adequate way in my eyes."

"That's enough Stevens. People have friends; they will be sure to report that they are missing. Collins." Yuki looked towards a tall, somewhat muscular man, who sat next to her. She trusted this man the most out of every single person within her corporation. He looked at her, his hazel eyes searching her cold, blank expression before nodding to show that he had heard her. Yuki looked towards a spot at the wall, thinking of her newest task. 

"I want your intelligence team to do a search on a woman named Meryl Stryfe. Tell me everything you find out about her. That is all. This meeting is dismissed." She stated as stood up. She grabbed her gun, stuck it back into its holster, and then smoothed out her black business suit. Yuki stopped suddenly before turning to pick up Knives' gun. Slowly she pulled the clip out and frowned. It was empty. She walked towards the door, Knives' gun in her hand, her black pumps clicking against the marble floor.

She placed her hand on the silver door handle, before turning around quickly, and throwing his gun at the glass table with all her might. Everyone scattered as the gun connected with it, shattering it at contact. Yuki let out a long breath of satisfaction as she looked at some of the bloodied faces of her workers. 

"Miranda, buy me a new table. Everyone else get back to work." Yuki said to her accountant who managed to go unharmed by the shattered table. The blonde woman nodded as she watched Yuki walk out of meeting room, slamming the glass doors behind her. The glass cracked, spider-webbing slowly. Miranda frowned slowly and turned towards Collins slowly.

"How in the hell do you fuck that bitch?" She asked, her arms folding over her neat black business suit. Collins smiled as he walked over towards the splintering glass door and shrugged his shoulders.

"Just comes naturally. Oh and Miranda dear, I think that we will need a new door as well." He stated before he exited the room to start on his new assignment. He walked down the hall, the name Yuki had given him running through his mind.

'Meryl Stryfe.'

~*~

Gunshots could be heard all around her, deafening her to an extreme. She had her head buried into the crook of her knees, waiting for her mother to return. Tears were streaming from her eyes as she stayed in her hiding place under the kitchen sink. Her mom had hidden her there, that way she would not be able to be hurt by the people who had broken into her house.

_She pulled her knees closer to her chest as she heard her mother shouting, as more gunshots followed. She promised her mother that she would be quiet, but she wanted to cry out. She was just so frightened. Every time she inhaled chemicals entered her air passage, poisoning her lungs. She needed to get out. She choked back on more tears as she wiped her eyes and her nose with the sleeve of her black blouse. She wanted to get out._

_She could hear her mother screaming again, but this time, she was screaming in agony. The girl covered her ears, blocking out as much sounds as she could, not wanting to hear her mothers agonizing screams._

_"Mommy, stop it mommy. Don't make me hurt like this mommy." The little girl cried as her mothers screams persisted. She needed to get out; she needed to see what was wrong with her mother. "But I promised mommy, I promised mommy. I can't leave my spot. Stop it Mommy!" She cried loudly as her mothers screams grew louder. It only took the child a moment to realize that her mother was crying out her name. The child took in deep ragged breaths as she dropped her hands to her side and pushed open the cabinet door._

_She crawled along the floor, hiding behind the walls as people walked passed, completely oblivious as the young 10 year old girl crawled passed them, broken glass indenting itself into the palm of her hands. The girl stopped quickly as she made it into her ransacked living room, hiding behind the couch. She stayed there; aware of the fact that she would not be seen by anyone because of the angle the couch was towards the wall._

_ She could hear her mothers sobbing, and she wished that she would be able to reach her hand out and touch her. She wanted to comfort her crying mother, but she knew she could not touch her. These people would hurt her along with her mother. She knew that her mother would be sad if she had gotten hurt._

_"Where is your child?" A man asked her mother. The child touched the back of her couch, pretending that she was touching her mother. How she wished to be in her mother's arms right now. How she wished to hear her mother's heart beating in that single moment._

_"I don't know!" The woman lied. Suddenly a gun went off. The woman shrieked in pain, causing the child to cover her ears quickly and sob loudly._

_"Mommy!" She yelled. Suddenly she was picked up from off the ground and thrown against the floor. The child look up bewildered, shrieking in fear as she looked up the barrel of a gun. She was suddenly scooped up again, and pulled into the safety of her mother's arms. The child looked at her mother, her gray eyes wide with fear._

_"It's ok Angel. Don't worry, they wont hurt you." She stated holding her daughter against her gunshot wounds. The child wasn't stupid though. She could feel a warm liquid soaking threw her black shirt, but she only pulled closer to her mother's body._

_"Mommy, you're bleeding." The little girl sobbed loudly as she buried herself into her mother's chest, grasping her mothers white dress tightly within her fists._

_"It's ok Angel. It's going to be all right." And with that, the woman pushed her child off of her, throwing her to the ground, and then lunged at her attackers. The child looked up from her spot at the ground, her eyes growing wide with horror as she watched her mother's white dress billow behind her, stained with blood._

_Gunshots fired through the air, hitting her mother. The little girl knew what she had to do, but she didn't want to leave her mother. She heard her mother's cries as her body hit the floor and her attackers continued to shoot at her. The child quickly crawled out of the room and outside. The people who had attacked them were too preoccupied with killing her mother to even notice the child leave._

_The girl hid behind a large shed next to her small house. She sat there, tears streaming down her small face, her gray eyes barely recognizable. She watched the people dressed in black suits exit her house and then what seemed to be the leader of the group talk to all of them._

_"Search out here and find the brat. Yuki said she wanted her dead too. Move out." The girl's eyes widened. A group of two headed over towards the shed immediately, and she began to crawl away as quickly as possible, hiding as well as she could behind the shrubbery. She scaled the side of the house, landing under her open bedroom window. She jumped up quickly, climbing in it and the running towards the living room. She had not been seen by anyone._

_The little girl stopped dead in her tracks as she saw her mother lying in a crumpled heap on the floor, her angelic white gown drenched in blood. She crawled over to her mom and placed her hands against her back, smiling with joy as she felt her mother breathing gently._

_"So this is where you were hiding." A voice said. The girl looked up quickly fear in her eyes as she stared at another barrel of a gun. She backed up quickly, climbing up onto the couch and curling into a fetal position. She heard the man laughing at her fear and she turned and faced him, tears streaming down her red puffy face. As she turned, her hand touched something cold. She immediately looked down and saw that it was a gun. She picked it up quickly, aiming it at the man, and pulled the trigger._

_Time stood still for the young 10-year-old girl, as the bullet whizzed through the air, hitting the man directly in the forehead. She watched as the man's blood splattered, his forehead opening, and then watched his body fall to the ground in a lifeless heap. The girl looked at the gun, as she held it steadily in her hand. It was a small derringer. She remembered her mother using these before when someone tried to hurt her. Her mother usually kept them hidden under her dresses. The girl quickly crawled off the couch and walked towards the window, crouching down underneath it so that she could hear the people outside._

_"It seems as though she was found, lets go report to Yuki." The man said as she heard everyone file into three cars. She peeked out the window, sighing in satisfaction as the cars drove off, leaving her all alone. Quickly she crawled over to her mother and turned her body over, to stare into the gray eyes of the dark haired woman._

_"My Angel." The woman said as she placed a bloody hand against the child's cheek. The girl burst out into tears and held her mother's bloody hand to her face, not wanting to let it go._

_"I-I-I k-k-killed someone mommy! I'm sorry!" She yelled as she cried even louder. The mother sshhhed her daughter and then stroked her face with her bloody thumb._

_"I love you Angel." The mother coughed loudly, causing blood to pour out of her mouth, and fly all over the little girls face. The child did not care though. She only wanted her mother to be all right. _

_"I just want you to know," another cough interrupted her, as more blood spilled from her mouth and from her wounds," that you will always be my little angel." Tears poured from her mother's eyes as she said these last words. Her hand slid from her daughters face to her daughter's hand and squeezed it tightly, before falling completely slack. The child's gray eyes widened as she watched her moms hand drop from her very own, and hit the blood soaked floor._

_She didn't cry however. She had no more tears to cry. The girl looked at her mother, clad in her white, blood soaked dress, and then over to one of her mother murderers, the assassin that was dressed in nothing but black. The little girl looked down at her own clothes and shook her head. She was in nothing but black as well. Disgust filled her entire body, but then sorrow overtook the feeling of disgust that had welled up inside of her. The little girl clenched her fists tightly and drew her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly._

_"No mommy, I'm not an angel. Real Angels wear white, even if it is soaked in blood." And the little girl just sat there, her mother's dead body in front of her. The little girl stared at the floor, her own clothes soaking up the blood that was lost from her mother's body. The little girl felt helpless, and then slowly, silent tears flowed from her eyes. She just sat there waiting, waiting for the police to come, waiting to be taken away from her past, and into her future._

~*~

Her gray eyes opened quickly, and her breathing had increased. Sweat dripped off the ends of her short hair, and it was sliding off of her face quickly, dousing the pillow that her head rested against. She closed her eyes tightly as silent tears flowed from her eyes, the horror still replaying within her mind.

'No, please no. Mommy.'

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Author's Note: I plead temporary insanity for the beginning of this chapter. The writing of this chapter took a lot out of me AND damn, that last part was hard to write. Tis sad I know. I'm sorry, but now you know of Meryl's past. I needed a way to get it into the story, and what better way to do it than have Meryl dream about it. Probably not as scarring as Kirei's past is, but hey would you want to tell people about how you watched your mother die? Would you want to tell people of how you _killed_ someone when you were only 10 years old? Oh and by the way Meryl hitting that guy in the forehead was only a fluke. Anyways, tell me what you think and REVIEW! 

~*Neko-Sama*~


	6. Chapter 5 Haunted

**A/N: **Wow, it's been a while hasn't it? Sorry I haven't updated in over a month, I just was not feeling inspired. But now that my creative juices are flowing I will now be able to give you this new installment of Love and Death of The Past. Thank you for being so patient and I hope you enjoy this chapter. There is a section in bold lettering, and that represents a memory/dream.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Trigun.

__________________________

**~The Love and Death Of the Past~**

**~Chapter 5 – Haunted~**

__________________________

_August 2003_

Millie sighed complacently as she walked into her apartment. Meryl was sitting on the couch, a stack of paperwork on the table in front of her. Meryl's younger sister was tending to her, while her brother and mother had both went back to their hotel room. The family had decided that one person would look after Meryl a day just to make sure that she didn't strain herself (to which Meryl highly objected, she could take care of herself after all.)

Right now it was Kirei's turn to watch over the 26-year-old until Millie came home. At the sound of the door closing behind her, Kirei turned towards her from her seat on the couch. In Kirei's lap, not to Millie's surprise, was another stack of paperwork. It was obvious that Meryl had put her to the task of going over paper work with her.

"I guess it's time for me to leave now huh?" Kirei asked as she set her stack of paper work on the coffee. Meryl smiled at her little sister before turning towards Millie. She was waiting for her to ask the question that she normally asked when her family members were about to leave. However, Millie noticed the look in Meryl's eyes. It was almost as if she were pleading to her. Tilting her head to the side and smiling slightly Millie gestured to the door.

"I would ask you if you wanted to stay for dinner, but after what happened at the pub I think it would be best for you to go home while its still light outside. I'll see you later." Millie said complacently. Meryl stared at her friend wide-eyed for a moment, before smiling at her gratefully.

"Bye Kirei, tell mom and Eric that I said hi." Meryl commented before going back to her paperwork. Millie smiled, she just knew that her friend wanted to ask her something. Kirei nodded obediently before walking towards the door and grabbing her coat. "See ya." And with that she walked out of the apartment shutting the door behind her.

Millie looked at her roommate expectantly, before setting her briefcase down next to the couch. Meryl however seemed to have her eyes glued to her paperwork, but she wasn't doing anything. Sighing Millie walked over to the couch and plopped down next to her friend.

"What's wrong Meryl?" Millie inquired gently. She could not help but notice that her friends nerves seemed to be rattled lately. And it all happened after Vash left the apartment that day. Was it possible that he was the reason she seemed a little withdrawn lately? Meryl glanced towards Meryl before shaking her head. 

"It's too over-whelming." She answered, her voice shaking slightly. Millie raised an eyebrow before letting loose a long sigh.

"You still haven't told him have you?" Millie asked in return, having a feeling that Vash was what she was worrying so much about. Meryl looked up at her friend and shook her head slightly. There was a long extremely uncomfortable silence before Meryl spoke up.

"I won't tell him. I won't tell him because I see the way he looks at me. It's so completely one-sided it's not even funny." Millie frowned. Meryl was so scared to tell Vash one simple thing it was so completely and utterly appalling. Why couldn't she just be strong and march up to him and tell him how she felt? It would be like all those other times when she would tell him that he was a complete pervert and an idiot and-

This wasn't like those times. Millie knew that it was just so much easier to degrade someone than it was for one person to tell another that they loved them. Nodding slowly, Millie offered her friend a cheerful smile and clapped her hands in front of her.

"I ran into him today. He asked how you were doing." Meryl looked at her friend and then shook her head slowly. Of course Vash would ask about her, they were only comrades for how long? But the thought about Vash actually caring about her well-being was extremely appealing. Yes, Meryl liked the thought of it a lot.

_' So he stayed after all.' _Meryl thought. While Meryl was deep in thought, Millie had crept into the kitchen to see what to make Meryl for dinner, however she stopped short as she reached refrigerator. Closing her eyes slowly she thought about the affect that Vash had on her when he suddenly waltzed back into her life as well.

She didn't let anyone else know, but she was tearing up inside. Because with Vash came the lingering presence of the one that she had loved so much as well. 

And Millie knew that no matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to banish the hurt that lingered within her heart ever since the day he died.

______________________

Vash sighed as finished his second bottle of beer. Ever since he arrived in this town everything seemed to be going wrong. People from his past just suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and on top of that he had promised one of them that he would stay for her. Whatever caused him to promise Meryl was beyond him. 

Perhaps it was the look in her eyes when she asked him to stay. She had looked so meek, desperate and vulnerable even, and something inside of him just could not tell her that he would not be able to stay. It was definitely something in her eyes. 

Then again Meryl was his friend and it had been forever since they had seen each other and perhaps she just wanted to catch up on old times. After all they did get along fairly well during the length of the time they were traveling together, well, when Meryl wasn't yelling or beating up on him.

In truth Vash had to admit to himself that he missed the petite woman, and he did think of both Millie and Meryl a whole lot. He even spoke of the two women fondly around his brother. 

After ordering another beer, Vash thought back to the problem of his brother.  Vash had left for work that morning so that they could eat and have enough money to stay in the apartment that lived in. When he returned home from work that day his brother was gone and his apartment was completely ransacked. All that was left of Knives was one simple note.

Placing his hands into his pocket he pulled out a crumpled up piece of paper and looked at it with disapproving eyes. Opening it up Vash read the five words that had sent him searching for his brother, and leaving him questioning everything his brother was. Those five simple words that were plaguing him every time he tried to sleep.

Vash opened the folded piece of paper and stared at his brother's neat yet jagged handwriting, wondering where he could be as he read those five simple words that had surprising caused him to wonder around Gunsmoke once again in search of him. 

Vash took a large gulp of his beer, tasting the bitterness of it against his taste buds. He really did not know what he was going to do; after all he did promise Meryl that he would stay for a while, and he knew that his brother could wait a little bit longer.

Vash closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, thinking about how much longer he was going to be staying in Meryl's hometown. It had been about a week since he had visited her, and perhaps she would appreciate it if he stopped by, just to visit. 

_'It would be nice to visit Meryl again.'_ Vash thought, as he pictured her bright blue-gray eyes, and her smiling face. Under the circumstances that they had seen each other before it hadn't been the best reunion situation, so perhaps it would be different now that it was one week later.

Nodding slowly, Vash paid for his drinks, stuffed the note in his pocket and walked out the door. Besides he really did need to apologize to Meryl's family for the situation that they found him in a week earlier.

___________________

**His gray eyes were watching her patiently, as if waiting for her to say something. It must have been odd, to suddenly see him standing there, waiting for her to make a move. The irreparable tension continued between them as she pulled back the safety on her assault rifle, just waiting, watching to see if anyone would make a move.**

**It hurt her beyond repair to see him act as such, will such calmness, as though he weren't afraid to die. It was as though someone had just taken away his will to live. But only moments before had told her, he had said that he was willing to die for her, to die by her hand. That was what had hurt her.******

**If she were able to love him so desperately, so completely, then why was it she was willing to take away his life without any sign of remorse? Because she needed this. She needed to know that he cared for her, that he loved her, and yet she knew that he didn't. He cared for her body yes, but there was someone else who was more important to him, someone else who meant the world to him.**

**She would be the one to die next. Though, the thought of her not being able to be with the man that she thought she loved so utterly and completely, tore at her heart. Now she was standing there, a gun pointed at his chest ready to kill him. And there, he simply watched her with saddened eyes. **

**She could not bare to look at him anymore, but she could not turn away. She loved him so much that she needed to hear him say those four fatal words, just so she would feel all right after she killed him. She kept her facial expression as cold and emotionless as possible, but by the way he was looking at her, she could tell that she was wearing her emotions right on her sleeve.**

**Narrowing her eyes, she knew that she had to get rid of him now. Otherwise she would not have the heart to do it anymore. She was supposed to be his and no one else's. Leaning forward, she pushed the muzzle of the gun into his abdomen and placed her lips upon his gently. He responded, much like she knew he would, before probing her mouth with his tongue.**

** It was amazing how desperate she looked when she pushed herself against him to deepen the kiss. It was these kinds of things that she lived for, just so she could be with him, just because he made her feel complete. But in all actuality there was still a piece missing, and she didn't exactly understand.******

**His fingers found there way into her hair, tangling themselves into her long silky black tendrils. She pulled her head back, only to deepen the kiss, before pulling back momentarily to look into her glossy green eyes. She seemed to have noticed the warmth that left her mouth, for she suddenly focused on the man in front of her, who wore a defiant smirk upon his face.**

**She had allowed him to get to her. Pushing away from him, she aimed her assault rifle at his chest once more, a glare apparent on her face. He stood completely still that defiant smirk still upon his face.**

**"I would die for you, you know. If your wish really is to kill me, than I suggest that you do so now. I can't stand to see the regret swirling around in your eyes."**

**"I won't regret a moment of this. You should know that." He tore his gaze away from her to look around his office one last time. He knew that she was going to kill him, and he would not be able to stall any longer. His gaze landed on a single picture on the wall, of him, his daughter, and his beloved wife. He had not been faithful to his wife, not in the least, but for some reason he did not seem to care.**

**His wife knew that he loved her and that was all that mattered. Despite the fact that he had slept with another woman, he had continued to love her unconditionally and nothing would ever change that. His heart belonged to her and only her, even if his life no belonged to another.******

**Closing his eyes, he turned back towards the young woman in front of him, waiting for her to kill him. He knew that he deserved this, and she knew that he wanted this. He had tainted everyone close to him, and used them of his own accord, not even thinking about how they would feel. It didn't matter to him before, but it mattered to him now.**

**The woman who was standing in front of him, waiting and wanting to see him executed was hurt beyond all belief because he could never love her. He had tainted her heart and soul when he had first started sleeping with her. He had made her think that he loved her, and now he seemed to regret it. But the fact was he couldn't. He never wanted to die with regrets, so he chose to just wash them all away, and say that what he did was right.**

**And that's just what he would do. She could see the conflicting emotions pass over his face, and she knew at once that he was thinking his life over. She noticed that most people did these thinks when they were on the brink of death, but she shouldn't have been the one to care. She had in fact killed people without a second thought, but now she was taking forever to kill him.**

It was because she loved him. She loved him beyond a doubt, so she was having trouble killing him. But no more. After a second of gathering her wits about her, she spoke, her cold emotionless voice ricocheting off of the walls around her.

_"All I wanted to know, was if I ever had a place in your heart or not. Did you ever love me?" Her voice did not betray her as she thought it would. In fact she knew that she had kept her head about herself. In the past when she would ask him if he loved her, she would be on the verge of tears and her voice would crack horribly. But instead of answering he would always kiss her, as if to tell her that he did, but he wouldn't dare speak those words aloud. Shaking her head slightly to rid herself of the memory she looked at his face and into his deep gray liquid pools of his. Yes, she definitely wanted him dead._

**_"I could never be able to love you. I could love your body, but never you. My heart was not mine to give away, it belongs to my wife and my daughter, and only to them."_**

**_Her hands clenched the rifle tightly her knuckles turning stark white. So it was true then, he never loved her. Closing her eyes she blinked a couple of tears back, before speaking to him once more._**

**_"So you never loved me?" She asked, her voice cracking slightly. She could see the pain look on his face as she spoke, realization hitting her hard. He had cared for her, but he never loved her. But that just wasn't enough, she needed his love, but he wasn't the one who could give it away._**

**_"I don't love you." He stated quietly, softly. Those were the four words that she had wanted to hear. He didn't love her. It was as though those four words had made everything final. And finally she had had enough. _**

**_So with that, she pulled the trigger._******

**__________________________________**

Yuki sat up in her bed, sweat pouring down the sides of her face. She was thinking of it again. Ever since she had found out that his daughter was still alive she dreaming about how he had told her that he did not love her. How he never loved her. She was in truth simply his fuck buddy. He loved her body yes, but never her.

Rolling over in her bed she faced her wall, staring at its blank empty whiteness. Everything around her seemed to reflect how she felt inside. Closing her eyes gently she cursed herself for thinking back on the occasion. It was enough that she had to deal with Meryl, but on top of that she had to deal with running a drug ring (how sophisticated) and an extremely moody man by the name of Knives.

She knew that Knives had information on the girl, but for some strange reason he would not give any of it to her, all because she had decided not to bring him her eyes. He was definitely a sick and twisted man. But he intrigued her beyond imagination. It was definitely his eyes that had caught her attention. His beautiful gorgeous blue eyes that held so much turmoil and emotion in them they could tell a life story.

But he was still an arrogant prick and she would forever more hate him for the way that he had spoken to her earlier that week. He was incompetent and when she was finished with the murder of Meryl than she would order him to be killed.

A soft knock on the door interrupted her thoughts and she growled slightly. Picking up a gold watch on her table she looked at the time and growled once more. Three o'clock in the morning was not the best time to test her patience. Throwing the sheets off of her, she walked over to the bench at the end of her bed and threw her black robe over her nude body and opened the door.

Standing outside of her door was Collins, and Miranda. Glaring at the two for interrupting her thoughts, she motioned them into her room and slammed the door behind her.

"What the hell do you two want now?" She asked, her voice gruff. It was apparent to two newcomers that she had just woken up moments before they had arrived (hence her annoyed mood) so they decided that it would be best if they were to tread softly around her. After all it wasn't the best of news that they had come to bring her either. They were both sure that she would be pissed no matter how much they tried to sugarcoat the situation.

"Obviously we are here to talk to you." Collins said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. Yuki, being the perceptive person that she was, glared at him darkly, basically telling him that she did not wish to deal with any of his shit. Sighing loudly Collins looked towards Miranda, basically telling her that he was going to speak first.

"Well, I just have to say that I have found Meryl Stryfe. She lives in a town 200 miles west of here. You know that town 200 miles west of here called Tulip[1]?"

"Well isn't that just wonderful. I'm sure you know what her occupation is, her home address and her closest friends do you not?" Yuki asked impatiently. If she did not know any better she would say that they were walking on eggshells right about now. Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked over towards Miranda, who seemed to find her walls extremely fascinating.

"Of course I know everything about her now." He stated slowly. Yuki swiveled her eyes back over to him, and gave him a cold glare. This was not the time for him to be vague with her. 

"I know that you know. Are you going to fucking give me the information or not? I don't have the time to fuck around with you." Miranda inched away from the angered woman slightly, while Collins stood his ground. It would have been a little strange to see a man who was twice as big as Yuki shimmy away from her due to her temper, but than again, he was sleeping with her (on some extent). 

"All right. I won't beat around the bush anymore. Meryl Stryfe lives in Tulip, where the headquarters of the Bernadelli Insurance Company is located. It just so happens that Meryl lives 5 blocks away from there in Section 12 of the city. Not only that but her best friend, whom is also her roommate works for the Bernadelli Insurance Company."

"Let me guess, Meryl works there too?" Yuki asked, receiving a single nod from Collins. Cursing inwardly Yuki turned around and ran her fingers through her hair despairingly. This just couldn't have gotten any worse. Meryl Stryfe just happened to work for one of the most prestigious Insurance Companies on all of Gunsmoke. Murdering her without suspicions was not going to be easy. 

Walking slowly over to her bedside table, Yuki picked up a pack of cigarettes, and quickly withdrew on, shoving the end of it in her mouth. Picking up her lighter, she quickly lit it, taking long infuriating drags on it.

"Okay, so what do you have to say Miranda?" Yuki asked the brunette, extremely keen on getting to sleep. Miranda seemed to fidget with the hem of her skirt before looking an impatient Yuki in the eye and smiling nervously.

"Well we needed to withdraw a very large sum of money from the banks, and well you see what happened was they wouldn't allow me to take any. Since you hadn't really changed the account over to your own and left it in William Stryfe's name, the banks have decided that only a direct descendant of him can withdraw the money from his account. Apparently they know that Meryl exists. Technically, she inherited her fathers entire fortune. Whether she knows or not, I don't know, but the Insurance Companies definitely know, and whether we like it or not Meryl is going to be receiving that money." Miranda kept her eyes on Yuki for a moment, before grabbing Collins by the arm and leading him out of the room, simply waiting to hear Yuki explode.

Her facial expression was completely unreadable as her employees left her room. Her mind was absolutely reeling. If she had no money, she could not provide the product. If she could not provide the product she would not have any costumers. And the only person who could even remotely touch that money was Meryl. And that meant only one single thing: Yuki needed Meryl.

Alive.

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_A/N: hey hey hey, we are getting even closer to the Vash and Meryl romance. This is going to be about the last chapter Yuki will appear in for a while, so that leaves enough time and space to develop Vash and Meryl's relationship. YES!!!! Alright anyways, I hope that you enjoyed this chapter. Please review!!!_

**_[1] I couldn't really think of a proper name for the town that Meryl lived in, so I decided to name it after a flower. Original is it not?_**

**_~Neko-Sama~_**


	7. Chapter 6 Lost

**A/N: **Sorry about the long wait but anyways – a site is hosting this fic. I am so happy. I never really expected this to happen!! I feel all happy inside. Anyways, here is the next chapter, and well I don't know how long it will be between updates anymore because well Econ and Pre-Cal are both a pain in the ass. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter of The Love and Death of the Past.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Trigun.

There is a section in italics that represents a dream.

__________________________

**~The Love and Death Of the Past~**

**~Chapter 6 – Lost ~**

__________________________

September 2003 

_His fingers curled around her arm, holding tightly – almost desperately as if he did not wish for her to go. He knew that this single moment would not be able to last forever – but oh how he wanted it to. She looked up at him, her gray eyes shining questioningly as if trying to get him to answer an unasked question._

_He didn't know what caused him to want to hold her, to kiss her, to love her, but there was something burning within the very pit of his being, urging him to want her, to take her – and he knew that there would be no escaping it._

_His fingers tightened as he leaned forward, his lips hovering dangerously over hers as she allowed herself to be pulled against him. Her body warm and comforting as she melded against him, her tiny frame allowing his arms to wrap completely around her._

_He felt so completely whole as he gazed longingly into her eyes, searching for an answer that he wanted only too much. It had been eating him up inside ever since he could remember, and no matter how long he tried to suppress the feeling within him – it would always make itself known, fluttering inside of him whenever she was around._

_Whenever he looked into those beautiful gray eyes he knew just how much he wanted her, just how much he needed her – and he would be damned if he were to let her go. He was vaguely aware of the fact that she was clutching so desperately to him as well – her breath coming out in hot little puffs as she waited for him to make the first move._

_It was then that he realized that his lips were still so close to her. And as much as he would love for his lips to be lain against hers- to be able to experience that wonderful feeling that had been stirring within his body – he knew that he just couldn't. _

_He didn't know how she would react to it. And even though her heart was beating wildly within her chest, just as his was, he still did not know her answer. He did not know whether or not she felt the same way or not._

_Sure there had been the tiny occurrences when she would look at him with those eager eyes, just begging him to do something that she didn't have the courage to do. And even though she flirted with him on those rare occasions – even though she was always touching him and sending those subliminal messages his way, it was still not enough to know._

_And it broke his heart. If only she were able to tell him how she really felt – whether or not she cared for him in any way – then he would take the initiative to kiss her. But that fiery passion deep within him, that intense feeling of both love and lust that needed to be released just couldn't because – because he didn't know._

_So it was with a heavy heart that he released her and walked away._

_______________________________****

Meryl smiled warmly as she got ready for work. It had been a week since she had last been in her stuffy over-crowded office and she was beginning to miss it. Millie had been taking wonderful care of her while she was 'disabled' (Meryl really hated the fact that she was not allowed to do _anything_ without Millie or her families consent) and Meryl was finally glad that she was able to get out of there.

As she finished stuffing her things into her bag, she walked slowly out into the front room of the apartment, glancing around to make sure that she hadn't forgotten anything. It was strange to know that she would be leaving the place that she had grown so accustomed to in the short time that she had been staying within the home, and she wasn't sure of whether or not she could actually get used to working in that office.

She had been so used to it before – but now – now she was used to working in the nice homey warmth of her own home with one member of her foster family near – chatting up a storm with her. And truth be told she would miss it. But now that she was going back to work she would be able to talk to some of her co-workers.

A knock sounded at the door, snapping Meryl out of her thoughts, and almost immediately she walked over to it, opening it slowly, before a strange somber look appeared on her face.

"Hey." Meryl said quietly as she looked at the blonde haired man standing in her doorway. Vash smiled beautifully (which sent Meryl's heart fluttering) before raising an inquisitive eyebrow at her somber expression.

"Is something wrong?" Vash asked as he lifted her right arm up and poked her side gingerly, attempting to see if her wound was giving her any trouble. This gesture merely rewarded him with a slap, in which he smiled gratefully for.

"I'm glad to see that you are doing well." Vash responded cheerfully as he rubbed his stinging cheek slowly. Meryl smiled at him, glad that he had came to visit her, but sad all the same. Why had he waited so long before he decided to visit her? If he had come a little earlier when she was still extremely injured maybe she would have been able to spend some time with him, but she was just headed to work and – her heart was just about crushed.

"Yeah, listen Vash – I have to get to work, but maybe you – perhaps you can come by later on tonight and have dinner with Millie and I." Meryl said almost too quietly for him to hear. Vash titled his head to the side, his turquoise eyes baring into hers for a terse moment before a kind smile appeared on his gentle features.

For a moment, a single moment it looked as though it were an apologetic smile – as though he was going to say something that Meryl wouldn't like. But that that genuine smile reached his eyes and Meryl couldn't help but smile back.

"So you are going to come by?" Meryl asked. It was almost too hard to suppress the temptation to jump up and down with anticipation, but Meryl managed to do so anyways. Vash nodded his head slowly, reaching a hand out to pat Meryl on her head.

"Of course, I actually miss yours an Millie's cooking. Besides it would be nice to catch up with everything that happened once I left." Vash said as he ruffled her hair slowly. Meryl raised an inquisitive eyebrow, attempting to squash the feeling that was threatening to spread its talons throughout her body.

But it couldn't be helped. There was something different about the way that he was looking at her this time – but she couldn't put her finger on it. And she wished that he would stop. Even though it sent some strange foreign feeling surging through her veins she just wished that it would stop.

Vash had never looked at her that way before, and it made her most uncomfortable. After glancing around the hall and shifting uncomfortably, Vash seemed to have gotten the message and stopped running his fingers through her hair.

Wait. Wait. What?

Was Vash really running his fingers through her hair? In a sense she knew that he was, but he had made the gesture seem so innocent as though he wanted to touch her.

"Well, I really should get going to work. I guess that I will see you tonight at around 7." Meryl stated as she shut and locked her door before taking off down the hall.

And she didn't know whether it was her or not, but she couldn't help but shake the feeling that Vash continued to watch her with that same strange look lingering within those turquoise eyes as she left.

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Lust.

To have an eager, passionate, and an especially inordinate or sinful desire; as for the gratification of the sexual appetite or of covetousness. [1]

Love.

A feeling of strong attachment induced by that which delights or commands admiration; preeminent kindness or devotion to another; affection; tenderness. [2]

Vash sighed heavily as he closed the dictionary and pushed it away from him. Most would think it odd for a man to be looking up the definition of love and lust, but he had a perfectly good reason for this.

_Dilemma_.

He was in a dilemma. Almost every single night for an entire week he had been having one simple dream that sent his hormones raging, and his mind reeling. It was the same dream that continued to insinuate him and Meryl actually being together

It was strange – the fact that he was having this dream for he never really cared about Meryl that way. During the dream he would continue to want to kiss her, to become part of her, and he would even ponder of whether or not he was in love with her – but then he would always end up walking away from her.

Whatever the dreams meant he didn't really know, but it continued to have him question just what he felt for her. And when he had seen her earlier that day he suddenly felt the urge to want to touch her, just to be able to know what her skin would feel like under his.

And that made him think that with these dreams he was lusting after her. But then, whenever he thought that he was lusting after her it would be replaced with something else – something that let him know he was wrong.

When had his emotions become so conflicted? Before he would know what he wanted – to save people, to cry when he mourned, to be kind and not have to worry about death. But know he didn't know whether or not he simply cared about someone or was lusting after someone.

Before it was so simple – so uncomplicated – and now everything was simply in ruins. In a sense he wished that he could simply get out of whatever mess he was in, to go and find Knives once again – but instead he had promised a woman whom he had known for only a couple years that he would stay with her, that he would stay for her.

And as he thought about it, he wondered what had made him promise that. Was it the look in her eyes when she had asked him? Before he had known the answer, but now he wasn't so sure. Then there was the fact that he had seen Meryl half-naked and he didn't know if whether or not that was the reason of the dreams or not.

But within that one day that he had seen her _something_ happened to change his entire view of her.

And he just couldn't stand it.

It had to stop, it needed to stop. But Vash knew that no matter what he did he wouldn't know the answer to the question that kept floating through his mind – demanding an answer.

Was what he was feeling lust or love?

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A/N: This is all – and I repeat – all that I am writing for this chapter. I am sorry that this is so short, but you know school and stuff. And my sincerest apologies about the jump from Vash not "loving" Meryl to him not knowing whether or not he was lusting over her or loving her. But there is a reason. Anyways, this is just a short interlude that I am giving you because it will be a while before I upload again. Thanks for the reviews.

**[1] I took this definition from the ff.net dictionary.**

**[2] This is also a definition that I took from the ff.net dictionary.**

**~Neko-Sama~**


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